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Tearful moments

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In January I cried through my appointments with my oncology doctor and surgeons. The whole idea of having a preventative mastectomy was overwhelming. 

I made my peace with it. I made a plan for myself. Work slows down near the end of the year and we get all sorts of holidays so I thought if I could take my time off then, I would be fine. I made it through two whole doctor's appointments with no tears and no fear, because I had a plan, and then today that was messed up. My doctor told me reconstruction could take up to three months--which means I can't do the surgery when I originally planned if I want to get it all done in one calendar year (for insurance purposes). She suggested moving it up to August. That is next month.

And if we do the surgery in August that means our family trip we have planned for October--it's a no. Camping trip I planned for September? Probably not. And honestly that all makes me more upset than anything. And suddenly I'm crying again. 

I want to have this surgery done. I want to get all the surgeries done. I want to be done. But how in the world do I put my life on hold for four months to do it? 

I let my work know and they were completely supportive. I let Amy know that the trip we planned last year might have to be postponed to November and she was completely supportive. I know it will work itself out but for now I'll just cry a few more tears for the fun I'm going to have to miss in order to have fun for many years to come! 

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