A Place to Write

 I hate the answer "Nothing much" but lately when someone asks me what's new that's all I have to say. I feel like for once there's no big change on the horizon, no big challenge to tackle and I'm feeling a little bummed about it.  A quick recap of 2020: Bently died. J moved out. We got Tucker. We remodeled our master bath and very recently began remodeling the girls bathroom.  For the first time in a long time we have no car debt. That's about it. It's not nothing but it still feels... boring. I'm sure some day I'll look back and miss these simple times.  Kaybree and Eisley just started piano lessons and it's surprising me how much they are enjoying it. Both girls also discovered they like crocheting but we haven't really gotten past the first step yet (though their chains look great!) I also recently taught them how to play Mancala and they are loving it. Aspen is talking all the time now--and it actually makes sense. Even Katie comme

“I don’t feel cared for.” “I feel stupid.” Those are two things I never wanted to hear my kids say but you said both to me this weekend. I had just started the shower and went out into the hallway to search for a clean towel and there you were, in the dark, slumped against the side of the hallway with your head in between your knees. You weren’t crying yet but it was clear things were not OK. I assumed it was another fight with your sister, and maybe it was at first, but when I asked what was wrong that was the response I got. I went back into my bathroom and turned off the water. This would take an extra long hug. I pulled you into my arms and told you I feel stupid all the time. We’re all learning every day and it’s OK. It’s more true for me than I would like to admit. My job right now is hard and there seems to be at least one day each week when I feel like I can’t do anything right. I hate that feeling. I hate even more that my sweet girl is feeling it. So how do we move

Been reading about choices this week in the scriptures. I taught the young women today about Mormon 7-9. I didn’t do a good job. I could get my words out. I wish I could just write something and have them read it instead. But the topic made me think a lot about J. For three years I did everything I possibly could to make his life easier. I found him tutors, ways to make money, supportive family. I gave him everything and still found myself asking “what more can I do?” And still he chose none of it. I can just imagine the Savior. Giving me every opportunity to have an amazing life. Why wouldn’t I want that? Because social media was more interesting. Because I was too afraid of failure. Because I didn’t trust it. What has the Savior put into my life that I am not taking full advantage of? What talents am I ignoring? How can I be better?

You know you're all incredibly different, right?  Allow me to share a few recent experiences: Last Friday we went to parent-teacher conference and Ms. Stanley said she won the lottery with Kaybree. Kaybree is a great listener and helper. She's always on task and is often used to keep other students on task too. On top of that she is a very gifted artist.  On Monday of this week Kaybree and I woke up with a sore throat and some sniffles. I decided we should be safe and keep you home. I did not realize the new school policy (thanks, covid) is if your student is sick at all you have to stay home 72 hours. This is not fun news but Kaybree took it as an opportunity to hang out more with Aspen. Each day the two have snuggled and played and Kaybree has begged me not to put her down for a nap. You two have the sweetest bond!  I have been so lucky to have a second mom around for Aspen. It makes my life so much easier to be able to get work done knowing Kaybree has Aspen.  Kaybree: I'

This year has been so weird and unfortunately it has made me neglect this poor blog. The person who really gets the short end of the stick is Aspen. No baby memories recorded! I need to get better! Kaybree and Eisley started back at school this week. Teachers changed at the last minute but we managed to send them to school in person which I such a relief for me. I see so many friends posting pictures of their young kids falling asleep in front of a computer and I am so glad we don't have to do that. Kids are meant to be with other kids! You were both excited to get back and you love your new teachers.  I really struggled over the summer with whether or not to send you back to ALA. It seemed like maybe it was time to move you to Canyon Rim so you could get to know more kids in the neighborhood. But then everything happened and out of pure confusion we decided to keep you at ALA. I'm so glad we did! Kaybree has developed a good set of close friends there. It just warms my heart t

We decided to escape the heat and the corona virus and head to Utah this past weekend. I’m so glad we did. We needed this. The car ride up the girls were distracted by technology and Brendon and I got to play our traditional "Where do you see us in five years" game. It was interesting for the first time we both felt like there are no big changes on the horizon. We have great jobs, a beautiful family, a great house and no complaints. I did tell Brendon I've been enjoying doing more freelance lately and some day I might consider taking a leap and starting my own business. For now, my job is keeping me more than busy! This dinosaur park in St. George is what park dreams are made of.  We also played the "what if" game. We talked about past relationships and what if we had ended up with them. Where would we be now? We both agreed we could find happiness, but we're so grateful for the happiness we have with each other. We stopped in St. George for a night