A Place to Write

“I don’t feel cared for.” “I feel stupid.” Those are two things I never wanted to hear my kids say but you said both to me this weekend. I had just started the shower and went out into the hallway to search for a clean towel and there you were, in the dark, slumped against the side of the hallway with your head in between your knees. You weren’t crying yet but it was clear things were not OK. I assumed it was another fight with your sister, and maybe it was at first, but when I asked what was wrong that was the response I got. I went back into my bathroom and turned off the water. This would take an extra long hug. I pulled you into my arms and told you I feel stupid all the time. We’re all learning every day and it’s OK. It’s more true for me than I would like to admit. My job right now is hard and there seems to be at least one day each week when I feel like I can’t do anything right. I hate that feeling. I hate even more that my sweet girl is feeling it. So how do we move

Been reading about choices this week in the scriptures. I taught the young women today about Mormon 7-9. I didn’t do a good job. I could get my words out. I wish I could just write something and have them read it instead. But the topic made me think a lot about J. For three years I did everything I possibly could to make his life easier. I found him tutors, ways to make money, supportive family. I gave him everything and still found myself asking “what more can I do?” And still he chose none of it. I can just imagine the Savior. Giving me every opportunity to have an amazing life. Why wouldn’t I want that? Because social media was more interesting. Because I was too afraid of failure. Because I didn’t trust it. What has the Savior put into my life that I am not taking full advantage of? What talents am I ignoring? How can I be better?