A Place to Write

It's been so long since I've felt a deep desire to write. I'm not sure where to begin. I'm about 15 weeks pregnant now. Next week I'll find out the gender and I'll rush home and bake a cake so I can surprise the kids. When we told J we were pregnant again he was not happy. It was difficult for him to express why he wasn't happy. At first it was because he didn't like to see people fail at things (assuming we'd probably have another miscarriage and get hurt again) and then it was something only a foster child could understand (being replaced). Eventually it seemed OK. Then we went through a rough patch for a few weeks. It seemed like everything I said he would react to. Even hello was met with annoyance. He was overly rude to me. We've talked about it and we've discussed the reasoning behind it, the being pushed away--but it hasn't stopped. There's just this awkward space between him and me. He's not purposely trying to be rude