A Place to Write

First day of school! Eisley wants her picture taken too Can't believe my baby girl goes to school all day every day now. Before your first day of school you asked me to write a note to your teacher (which you decorated with sparkles and an abundance of glue) it said something along the lines of "Dear Ms. Hunsaker, You are so nice. I love you. I'm going to try real hard to learn and grow. I'm going to love school. Love, Kaybree." She wrote me an email later in the day and told me what a doll you are and how much she loved the note! You sure do know how to make an impression! You're not as excited about school now but you still never complain. You've also started cheer. Yesterday you wore an ASU cheerleader dress around all day and practiced your cheer moves in the back yard until you got too hot and came back in. You told me you're going to be a cheerleader when you get big so I guess we have that to look forward to. We are all moved...

"Hello, Ms. Hurtado? I'm J's newly-assigned case manager." I laugh. "Maybe this week you are..." That's not usually how the conversation goes, but maybe it should. We've had J in our home for five months. In that time we've had two DCS case managers (that's not including the one who originally submitted his case to Casey), two school IEP case managers, one attorney/GAL and one assistant for the GAL, one social worker (thank goodness for the one!), two JFCS (behavioral health) case managers, two psychiatrists (or psychologists? I always forget the difference), two parent coaches (we declined a third) and one parent therapist. No wonder J has a hard time remembering names--and faces. I knew getting into fostering that there would be a lot of people in and out but honestly the rumors about it happening quickly were no joke. All of these people are very nice and for the most part I'm able to keep them straight (but J and Brendon are h...

I just saw this blog post and wanted to edit a few things for our situation: 1. It’s Not Their Fault Perhaps the biggest misconception about children in foster care is that the children are somehow at fault. When I was much younger, I had this same false belief, that children in foster care were bad kids, and that they did something wrong. Yet, this is so far from the truth. These are children who are the victims. These are children who are suffering. Children suffering from abuse. Neglect. Malnutrition. Even drug-related problems passed on from a mother’s addiction. Children rejected by those who were to love them most, their parents. When placed into a foster home, many of these children carry with them the physical and emotional scars that prevent them from accepting the love of another.   My comments: These kids are victims. They have been through terrible things but the kids who I've seen have no problem accepting the love of another. They crave it. They need ...

So much is happening and yet when people ask me "How is it going?" I really don't have anything to report. J is great. He's a really good kid. He gets distracted easily, he's messy, and he doesn't respond well to authority but he tries to be helpful, he's always home a half hour before whatever curfew we set and he's doing well. It's a tough transition going from two, shy little girls to an outgoing teenage boy but we're working through it. I reached out to our agency for some counseling/parent coaching for Brendon and I. Turns out I'm a little more flexible (easily-manipulated depending on how you look at it) than Brendon is. I wouldn't saying it's causing problems in our marriage, cause that boy is stuck with me, but it is causing some riffs. I need clear rules and reasons for the rules before I feel comfortable enforcing them. With no reasons I cave easily. I want to give J the most normal teenage life possible--like the one ...

Brendon scolded Eisley for being too crazy in the car. She got quiet for a few seconds and then... Eisley: ow...OW....Oooooow Brendon: Eisley, what's wrong? Eisley: You hurt my heart!

J turns into a very different person after 10 p.m. He's suddenly very wise, very open and very honest. He always wants to talk-and we always want to go to bed. Extending bed time for bonding time is rough but the trade off is worth it. I get to see how he's really feeling deep down. It's not awesome, but at least I know. He told me he feels like he was his most authentic self when he was at the group home. He could tell dirty jokes and use bad language and mess around and no one cared. He misses that. We have so many more standards to keep up with and he has to sensor himself. I think that's a skill he'll appreciate some day. He also tells me he believes the only people working in the system should be people who've been through the system. Other people shouldn't know everything about him. He tells me only people who've experienced it can really understand what would have made a difference and why he acts the way he does sometimes. I'm strugglin...

I'd post a picture of our family enjoying vacation together--but I don't have one. I do have pictures. I have pictures with everyone in our family--except J. He won't tell you why, if you asked. He was standing right there. He was asked to join the group. He was told he was part of this family--but he dodged it. He dodged a lot on this vacation. I don't think he's even aware it happened. Whenever we brought it up he looked at us like we were crazy. Truth is we spent five days at a beach house and I never ate a meal next to him. We swam together two, maybe three times but after the first day these swim sessions never lasted longer than a half hour. To be fair, he got badly sun burnt on day one and I don't blame him for wanting to spend most of the remaining time indoors--but then he also went to the pool instead of spending time with family or would leave the beach as soon as we arrived to spend the rest of the day sleeping. I don't think he did anythin...