A Place to Write

 Everyone had their first day of school yesterday. Kaybree started 9th grade. since Eastmark is 7-12 grade, this transition hasn't been too scary for Kaybree. She has already been at the school for two years and I think she's excited to have Eisley there with her. to be honest, she wanted to switch to a different school this year to have more choices for electives, but she agreed to stay at Eastmark because that's where Eisley wanted to go. However, Kaybree had a small meltdown the night before school because I did not buy the right notebooks. She insisted she needed a composition notebook for every class and she only wanted notebooks with a solid colored cover and it needed to be a different color for each class. The 12 I ordered that had the typical composition notebook style and only came in 3 colors would not suffice. She ended up ordering her own from Amazon the night before. She survived. Kaybree just started seminary. Brendon got a new position so he is no longer tea...

In January I cried through my appointments with my oncology doctor and surgeons. The whole idea of having a preventative mastectomy was overwhelming.  I made my peace with it. I made a plan for myself. Work slows down near the end of the year and we get all sorts of holidays so I thought if I could take my time off then, I would be fine. I made it through two whole doctor's appointments with no tears and no fear, because I had a plan, and then today that was messed up. My doctor told me reconstruction could take up to three months--which means I can't do the surgery when I originally planned if I want to get it all done in one calendar year (for insurance purposes). She suggested moving it up to August. That is next month. And if we do the surgery in August that means our family trip we have planned for October--it's a no. Camping trip I planned for September? Probably not. And honestly that all makes me more upset than anything. And suddenly I'm crying again.  I want t...

I loved that I got the chance to go to girls camp with kaybree and eisley this year. We went to camp LoMia which is where I always went to camp when I was young.  It’s amazing to me how little has changed about that special camp. I love it! We had a great time. Eisley was obsessed with the camp songs and never stopped singing. All the leaders said she was born to be a YCL. Some day she is going to be an amazing one!  Kaybree made a new friend and stood up for her, even when her other friend tried to convince her she was annoying. I was proud of that.  On the final night, our stake presidency gave a small devotional. President Nelson told each of the girls to close their eyes and picture the most faithful person they know. He explained that they were all thinking of someone and it was very likely that none of them were thinking of the same person. We are surrounded by faithful people and we can be that faithful person too. When the girls opened their eyes Eisley turned to ...

We just returned from a trip to Spokane, Washington. We celebrated the 20th anniversary of Brendon leaving on his mission. It was so beautiful there so green and luscious everywhere flowers everywhere.  Brendon is a terrible tour guide, but we all put up with his endless drives through every single neighborhood he tracked during his time there. He’s a terrible tour guide because he remembers the most minute details about his two years there and every memory leads to another so we, as the audience, hear the first sentence of one story and then he is distracted and jumps to the middle of the next story. There’s no doubt he loved his mission.  In between the long drives we did do as much tourist stuff as possible. We stopped at River Front park and rode the gondola over the river. We also rented pedal go carts for the girls to ride for an hour. We stopped at all the shops in downtown Pullman. We walked around the lake in Coeur d’Alene and ate ginormous ice cream sundaes. We also ...

 Have you ever had a conversation with someone and replayed it a million times in your head and thought of a million things you should have said? In the moment, silence was my only option, but now I feel like if I don't get these thoughts out of my head, I might crumble and die. And at the same time silence is probably still my best option when it comes to the person I had the actual conversation with. Hence, to the blog I go. Here is what I should have said: If you were not going to give me this job--why did you tell me to apply for it? Why did you have consistent, ongoing conversations with me about what the needs were and what it would look like? Why did you tell me to think optimistically and picture myself in that position? Why did you force my mind to go there? To be fair, you mentioned from the beginning that if I did not get the job, you had a plan for me. Now you want to have a conversation about what that will look like. You want to push me to a fundraiser role. The probl...

Today, I achieved a great professional achievement. I got my CFRE. It’s a big deal.  Brendon is out of town so I took the girls to get sushi to celebrate. This was our conversation on the way home.  *Passed by a Husband and Wife Law Team billboard Eisley: That dude wears suspenders. I would not call them first. I would call Jonathan first.  Me: I would call Brother Briggs first because he’s a criminal defense lawyer. Jon does HOA law which would not be very useful. Eisley: Ooo yeah. I feel like I’m going to be that kid some day. I’d call Brittany because she has experience, then Bro Briggs.  Me: You’re going to be the one to call to hide a body?  Eisley: Yeah. I’ll probably already be hiding one. I feel like I’m the Brittany, Aspen is Brodie, Kaybree is Dad.  Kaybree: Hmmm, I’m not sure. Aspen—do you like girls? Aspen: What? Kaybree: Just, would you like to marry a girl one day? Aspen: No.  Eisley: If you did, we would love her.  And then we all l...

 My job is difficult to describe to people outside of non-profits so I usually don't. I say I'm a Grant Writer--because I am, but to some people that means a lot and to others it means nothing. I don't get too many people who are interested. To be truthful, I do think grant writing is a spectacular professional that takes a lot of skill. Not only do you have to be an excellent writer, able to tell the stories of the organization in a way that is interesting and inspiring, but you also have to be savvy enough to find your way around hundreds of different online portals (none of which are user friendly) and be diligent enough to meet strict deadlines and compile loads and loads of paperwork. At my organization we submit about 15-30 applications every month and every single application has different requirements and expectations in order to receive funding. The work doesn't stop when an application is turned in. Once we get that funding it adds another to-do to our list, m...

Originally written 4/15/26 I volunteered to be a “fun” mom tomorrow and participate in “Whose mom is it?” During primary. There will be four moms with bags on our heads and we will answer questions and the kids will have to guess who it is. Problem is the questions are so hard! I’ll paste them here and practice my answers. What’s your “mom superpower” (besides finding lost things)? I think maybe filling out paperwork? I excel at that.  What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever said as a mom? Probably “no more licking your sister’s feet.” How long can you hide in the bathroom before someone notices? I think 15 minutes before they start wondering where I’m at but a solid hour till they find me. What’s your most-used mom phrase? I don’t know. Maybe “Do it yourself?” Have you ever eaten candy in secret so you didn’t have to share? Of course. ⸻ 🍕 Everyday Mom Life Humor What’s your go-to “I don’t feel like cooking” dinner? Chicken Alfredo. Or beans and rice. What chore do you pr...

Originally written 4/21/26 We had another night by the fire at the park. To fill silence, Kaybree told us all her husbands. They include: The boy from Lyle Lyle Crocodile  Jaylin Green or Dillan Brooks from the Suns A boy from the ward who she didn’t want to name. Chad Michael Murray Eisley told us all that Chad Michael Murray was SO ugly, but she liked that guy from Gilmore Girls who Rory went to school with. Tristan. Played by Chad Michael Murray… Then I busted out the blog to share a few stories. Aspen was disappointed that I only had a few stories about her. She told me I need to write more about her.  We returned home and I put Aspen to bed and Kaybree and Eisley took over bedtime. Eisley donned a mask, hat an crown and put on a performance for Aspen, acting out one of the books on her shelf. Kaybree eventually joined in. While Eisley read, Kaybree did what looked like an interpretive dance to the story and Aspen laughed and laughed.  Halfway through the story she tu...

Originally written 3/2/26 Marriage is so strange. You marry someone because they make you better. You discover a new version of yourself when you’re with them and it makes you excited. It makes you happy. (At least it should!) And then a few years down the road, for some reason, they suddenly bring out the worst in you. Maybe they don’t bring it out, but it’s what they are forced to endure. And you have to take a step back and think Why? What has this person done to deserve my worst?  And it’s probably nothing. Maybe they didn’t have time to help with the chore you wanted to get done. Maybe they got the wrong kind of milk at the grocery store. Maybe they were too tired to make dinner.  Brendon and I went away for our anniversary this year. We spent just two days in Prescott. We spent the drive up asking deep, reflective questions and talking no without interruptions. We ate delicious food and we spent hours quietly reading a book together. And I was reminded of the version of ...

Eisley had her first solo babysitting gig tonight. She and kaybree babysat together over the summer and that same family asked if Eisley could babysit for them and Kaybree babysit for their friends while they went to a game night tonight. Kaybree’s job ended up canceling but Eisley still got to go. The kids were already asleep when she got there, so she just had to sit around and wait. The job was supposed to be done at 10:30 but I got a text from the mom around 10:20 asking if 11 would be OK.  “I texted Eisley but didn’t hear back so just wanted to make sure it was OK!” I said yes, of course, but then my mind got spinning. Why didn’t Eisley text back? I sent her a text. No response. I called. No answer. I called again. Nothing.  By then, I knew Eisley had to be asleep and I also know Eisley sleeps like a rock. I didn’t want them coming home to that.  Their house is right around the corner so I walked over and prayed they left the door unlocked. They did! As soon as I wal...

I scheduled my original screening on Friday and had a big mental crash Saturday night. Feels like I can't breathe. I was counting down the hours until I could just get to my appointment. I also couldn't keep the tears from my eyes and finally Brendon noticed. He held me and let me cry and just shrugged and said "We'll figure it out." I know we've always had that relationship. That no matter what comes in our marriage, we will figure it out, but it feels deeper now. Because no matter what happens to me he is for sure stuck with me! Haha Our lives are too deep, too interconnected to ever take a step back. How lovely it is to know he's mine forever and ever. He gave me a blessing and I woke up feeling better. And now my appointment has been pushed back an entire month, to a time when Brendon cannot come with me, and that anxious feeling is creeping in again. But I can breathe through it. Because we can do this. We'll figure it out. 

In May of 2024 I decided to finally do something I’ve been putting off forever. I got some genetic testing done to see if I carry the BRCA1 gene mutation that my half sister, Bethany, does. Bethany had a double mastectomy after finding an unusual lump but we’ve also had an aunt pass away from breast cancer and her daughter had a double mastectomy as a preventative measure.  I learned that I do have the mutation. And then I crashed out and decided I wasn’t ready to deal with that. So I put it off again. A few months later I reached out and asked to be scheduled. No one called me back. This week it came to mind again and I decided I should stop putting it off. So I reached out to the woman who did my testing and asked her again to put in a referral for screening. Then I missed their call.  I called back. "Who do you wan tto schedule with?" "I have no idea. I did some testing, I got results, I don't know what the next steps are." "I'm looking at your recor...

8/24/25 These past few days have been so peaceful that I feel like I need to write them down. Thursday we went to Sunsplash for their Night Splash. I’ve been to Sunsplash dozens of times over the years and it is amazing how little it has changed. Yes, they add a new slide or two every few years but they never re-finish what was there before and so the result is somewhere between nostalgia and disgust. At night splash most of the slides are closed, but that didn’t matter too much to us.  We went as a family, just the five of us, and were excited for practically no lines or crowds. It felt so fun to just be just us. I’ve spent years watching Kaybree and Eisley fight nonstop and now we’ve turned a corner. I told you both you could invite a friend but you didn’t. You didn’t mind just hanging out with your sister.  Dad took aspen to do what she wanted while we went on a big slide and then I took aspen to do a slide while the two of you ran off to the lazy River. We all met back up ...

 This summer Brendon and I got to go on the Midwest Church History Tour for Seminary and Institute Teachers. I kind of wish I had written something on this blog nightly because now I feel like it was too much to recap. We were on a bus with 54 seminary and institute teachers from all over the US. Each day we were on the bus from about 7:30 a.m. to 8 or 9 p.m., making very quick visits to all the church history sites from Missouri to Iowa. In between each stop, we were being taught or getting to know one another.  Our first day we visited Independence, Missouri. We visited the temple site, where there is no LDS temple but there is a Community of Christ temple and their church headquarters. The Community of Christ is an off-shoot of the LDS church and as the years have gone by they've abandoned most LDS teachings, including the Book of Mormon. But they returned to Missouri long before the LDS church did and reclaimed many of the early church history sites. Their temple is large,...

 It's been more than a year since I've written on this blog and that is a very sad thing. I think I'll have to do multiple posts to avoid skipping over anything. We just hit a year in our new home. Our home is so beautiful. Our neighborhood is quiet. And somehow, we've had multiple miracles that have helped us afford this home. When we were moving I was terrified. I kept running the numbers and I was absoutely positive we would be in big, big trouble. I started going to the temple as often as I could. I needed that peace in my life. I needed the blessing the temple gives: Clarity, peace, strength. Out of the blue we had people approaching us, asking us about new potential business opportunities. We met several people who would be in the new ward and they told us over and over again how great of a ward it is. We had all these small moments, convincing us that we were going to be OK.  So we moved and we were OK. None of those business opportunities panned out, but Brendon...

Written May 4, 2024 I haven’t been able to go to bed on time at all this week and it’s making me tired. And I had to spend a whole day in a training that was SO boring. And I was asked to write blogs for dry cleaners and I hate writing blogs for dry cleaners. And there’s a mysterious stain on the carpet that I can’t get out and every time I try it just gets bigger and messier.  And Brendon is fighting with his sister again and she won’t let him apologize and move forward and nothing he says matters and now none of her kids will talk to me and my kids want to see them but they can’t and it feels like everything we do is wrong in her eyes somehow and if they can’t get along we may have to cancel our summer vacation. And I was really looking forward to that vacation.  And selling a house is difficult and I feel like we won’t be able to afford the new one but I’ve been holding out hope that it will work out and trust the process and then our appraisal came back $50,000 less than w...

 Grief is such a weird thing. Why does a death have to hurt even 16 years after it happened? Why does it hurt at all if it's such a part of life? And when it does hurt it just feels silly. I can't shut my life down every time it hits. Life doesn't work like that. It never has.  Life has continued in the past 16 years. It's completely different now. It's a life she never experienced. It's a life she wasn't a part of (to no fault of her own!) So why does it still hurt? And when it does hurt why does it hit like a ton of bricks? Why can't I stop the tears from coming?  How are you supposed to act when someone is grieving? I don't know, and that's why I hide it from my husband and kids. Because they can't understand. They never knew her. They don't know this grief. I don't want any pity.  So I write because writing works. It helps to vent, even though no one will read it. I did dream of her last night. It was Michelle Day, the annual day ...

 I've been terrible at using this blog lately. Life is just changing so quickly. I'm busy all the time and at the same time I'm not stressed enough to need my normal writing outlet. But with so many changes, I need to get better about recording what is happening. The first big change is I came back to work at Child Crisis Arizona. I noticed in April that leadership had changed. I reached out to an old coworker to see how the change was impacting everyone and the next thing I knew, I was getting a job offer. My old position had been filled (I had been gone a full year) and a new Director of Marketing position had recently been created and hired but Justin was eager to bring me back in whatever capacity he could so another new marketing position was created--with my input. Yes, I got the chance to create my own position and go back to work at an organization that inspires me every day. I couldn't pass it up. I love everything about my job. I get to hear incredible stories...

My sweet Eisley girl turned 9 this year! Here are a few things you should know about Eisley: Eisley’s favorite animal: Puppy Favorite color: Teal Favorite food: Spaghetti Eisley recently started musical theater and she is loving it!  Eisley is one of a kind. She does not have the attitude that Kaybree has. She just loves to have fun and will always choose the path that leads to the most fun. Often, she gets carried away in that pursuit. She’s not great at chores or homework—no time. Gotta have fun. In fact she will do anything to avoid the boring stuff so she can make time for more fun.  A couple examples of this: Earlier this week she popped some popcorn and before she poured it into a container, she put paper towels down in the container. This way, when she is done with her popcorn she can dump the whole thing in the trash can and avoid doing any dishes. Last Saturday Kaybree, Lola and Eisley decided to have a lemonade sale. Something in the air didn’t agree with Eisley and ...