A Place to Write

I LOVEthe relationship Aspen has with her grandparents. I don’t know any other kid this lucky. She spends all day every day playing with Grandma and Grandpa and even cries when someone mentions her getting older—because she knows it makes grandma sad. 

I think when we started fostering we were often asked what we wanted. What was our intention? We didn’t want to grow our family. We didn’t have self improvement in mind (although that definitely happened.) For us, we felt like we had a great life and enough of it to share. We just wanted to love someone. I think the only healthy mindset to have while fostering is being prepared to love someone—no matter what. That was our biggest take away. We learned what truly, honestly unconditional love was.  What I’m most proud of is the fact that that love has endured. J has been coming around pretty often lately. The day before his 21st birthday he allowed us to take him out to celebrate. This past weekend he brought his girlfriend over and they stayed and played games after dinner. He’s still not “successful.” He didn’t finish high school. He’s not excelling at work. His current landlord is kicking him out at the end of the month and with his work schedule… his future housing situation does...

Man it has been too long since I’ve taken the time to write. I started a new freelance position a few months ago and working three jobs has been very time consuming. I also have a TikTok addiction but oh well! Anyways the girls started at a new school this year and I have been loving it. They ride the bus which means they are out the door early and it’s less stressful for me. Their teachers are all experienced teachers. I know women in the ward who work at the school. The school does a great job making their activities accessible for every family. It’s just nice having them at the public school! Now on to what I do not like.  I’m not sure if it is the age or the group of girls but Kaybree’s social life has been all drama! She has made friends quickly but I cannot tell you how often one is fighting with another or all of them are ignoring Kaybree. It’s exhausting! Was I this dramatic in 5th grade?  Now that I think about it, I’m sure I was. I didn’t fight with my friends often ...

 Kaybree and Eisley started at a new school yesterday. It didn't go great. We were more rushed in the morning than I wanted to be. We waited too long to do a father's blessing and of course when we did it, it made Kaybree cry. So we left the house in tears. The bus was early and because it's new to us, the girls ran and hopped on. I didn't get a "First day of school!" happy, smiley photo. I got heartache. We watched the bus drive away. I knew Kaybree still had tears in her eyes. I worried throughout the day. The cookies I made for after school did not turn out great. Too much flour. I also ran to get Aspen from Grandma Vance and missed getting the girls from the bus stop.  Kaybree was melancholy right away. When I got home a few minutes later the tears were flowing. We sat on the beanbag and I held you as you cried. I cried with you.  "I don't know anyone in my class." "I was the only new kid." "I didn't know what was going on....

Yesterday I was trying to find my library card. Aspen says  “I didn’t take it! I take things from Eisley’s room and Kaybree’s room but not here.” This morning she excitedly brought me all the things she stole last night from Kaybrees room.  Aspen loves the lizard friends she sees on the wall in our backyard. Today she saw one and told me it’s name was “Lizzy Rene Hurtado” We are getting a puppy next week. The girls don’t know. We picked out the puppy together. I told them she was sold. She was sold. To us. Can’t wait to see Kaybree’s reaction when we surprise her on her birthday! The other day I was talking to J. He was hoping to buy a car with the $2,000 he has saved up. He was calling me constantly to get advice on different cars he found. There was one he was eager to go check out but it was far away and I could not drive him there. I told him “you have all sorts of friends. Isn’t there one who could take you?” He said, very seriously, “mom, I’ve made less friends.”

Today is Kaybree’s birthday! And we have not seen her yet 😬 This year’s husband and wife training for seminary teachers was held in Flagstaff and Brendon and I have been away, studying and learning and growing together. Unfortunately that means we’ve been away from our girls and Kaybree was not happy that we would not be home. We’ll make it up to her in a couple hours when we surprise her with her new puppy.  But for now we are driving and we have plenty of time to reminisce about the day ten years ago that we became parents and the beautiful girl we have in our family today.  Kaybree, you are one of my best friends. I feel like I could hang out with you any time and tell you anything. I love sharing with you and I love how interested you are in me and what I’m up to. I love how kind you are to those around you (although could you be a smidge nicer to your sisters please?!) I love that you love to learn and create. I love that you love to make a space yours. We just redid you...

In the middle of February I quit my job. Knowing we had a huge event coming up, I gave them 4 weeks notice. Four weeks was far too long. Jodi spent the whole time avoiding me. Justin spent the whole time trying to convince me to stay. I spent the whole time worrying my new job was too good to be true. Justin picked up on that and told me I should talk to Jodi, tell her how much I appreciated my time there, and see if the door might be open for me to return. He asked if I had a backup plan. The conversation bugged me. I know he’s asking because he cares and he enjoyed working with me and because he would welcome me back.  Now I’m a month into my new job and I feel like I can really say— I don’t need a backup plan. I should have left a long time ago. I loved my last job. The responsibilities were always growing, challenging me to learn new skills and justify my work. The organization was changing lives, taking on new programs that make a difference for kids and teens in the foster ca...