A Place to Write

 I write when I'm emotional about something. It's my way of venting. So I guess it's a good thing I have written since December. At the same time there's a lot going on in my children's lives that I'm not writing down. We're at such a sweet stage. Kaybree and Eisley are getting old enough to enjoy the crafts I've waited years to share with them. They're also old enough to try new things and really establish who they are.  Eisley joined chess club this year. She's the only girl in the club but it gives her something social to do once a week and she enjoys it. Of course she would rather spend more time with her group of friends--all the loud and fun girls in her class. We allowed her to invite 7 friends over for a birthday party in February and it was loud and crazy. Very crazy.  Kaybree is still in MCO choir. They had their virtual concert over the weekend. It was pre-recorded and edited together--all the choirs from all the different states. We h...

  I’ve been in Young Women’s for forever. I’ve had a few callings outside the organization but for the most part I’ve been with the young women. Always the youngest girls. It’s been a comfortable place for me. It’s given me a great testimony of the importance and the purpose of women. It’s given me a great perspective on what the organization should be and what I hope it is for my own daughters. I’ve felt such a responsibility to teach the girls how loved they are. How they are never too far gone to take advantage of the atonement. How important they are for the future of the world. Women are so powerful. Tonight as I was asked to take a new calling I cried. I’ve been asked to be part of the primary presidency. I don’t actually know why I cried. Part of it was because I really love the women who are young women leaders. I don’t want to lose those friendships and having callings together makes keeping friendship convenient and easy. Part of it was because I’ve always felt guilty tha...

 I hate the answer "Nothing much" but lately when someone asks me what's new that's all I have to say. I feel like for once there's no big change on the horizon, no big challenge to tackle and I'm feeling a little bummed about it.  A quick recap of 2020: Bently died. J moved out. We got Tucker. We remodeled our master bath and very recently began remodeling the girls bathroom.  For the first time in a long time we have no car debt. That's about it. It's not nothing but it still feels... boring. I'm sure some day I'll look back and miss these simple times.  Kaybree and Eisley just started piano lessons and it's surprising me how much they are enjoying it. Both girls also discovered they like crocheting but we haven't really gotten past the first step yet (though their chains look great!) I also recently taught them how to play Mancala and they are loving it. Aspen is talking all the time now--and it actually makes sense. Even Katie comme...

“I don’t feel cared for.” “I feel stupid.” Those are two things I never wanted to hear my kids say but you said both to me this weekend. I had just started the shower and went out into the hallway to search for a clean towel and there you were, in the dark, slumped against the side of the hallway with your head in between your knees. You weren’t crying yet but it was clear things were not OK. I assumed it was another fight with your sister, and maybe it was at first, but when I asked what was wrong that was the response I got. I went back into my bathroom and turned off the water. This would take an extra long hug. I pulled you into my arms and told you I feel stupid all the time. We’re all learning every day and it’s OK. It’s more true for me than I would like to admit. My job right now is hard and there seems to be at least one day each week when I feel like I can’t do anything right. I hate that feeling. I hate even more that my sweet girl is feeling it. So how do we move...

Been reading about choices this week in the scriptures. I taught the young women today about Mormon 7-9. I didn’t do a good job. I could get my words out. I wish I could just write something and have them read it instead. But the topic made me think a lot about J. For three years I did everything I possibly could to make his life easier. I found him tutors, ways to make money, supportive family. I gave him everything and still found myself asking “what more can I do?” And still he chose none of it. I can just imagine the Savior. Giving me every opportunity to have an amazing life. Why wouldn’t I want that? Because social media was more interesting. Because I was too afraid of failure. Because I didn’t trust it. What has the Savior put into my life that I am not taking full advantage of? What talents am I ignoring? How can I be better?

You know you're all incredibly different, right?  Allow me to share a few recent experiences: Last Friday we went to parent-teacher conference and Ms. Stanley said she won the lottery with Kaybree. Kaybree is a great listener and helper. She's always on task and is often used to keep other students on task too. On top of that she is a very gifted artist.  On Monday of this week Kaybree and I woke up with a sore throat and some sniffles. I decided we should be safe and keep you home. I did not realize the new school policy (thanks, covid) is if your student is sick at all you have to stay home 72 hours. This is not fun news but Kaybree took it as an opportunity to hang out more with Aspen. Each day the two have snuggled and played and Kaybree has begged me not to put her down for a nap. You two have the sweetest bond!  I have been so lucky to have a second mom around for Aspen. It makes my life so much easier to be able to get work done knowing Kaybree has Aspen.  Kay...

This year has been so weird and unfortunately it has made me neglect this poor blog. The person who really gets the short end of the stick is Aspen. No baby memories recorded! I need to get better! Kaybree and Eisley started back at school this week. Teachers changed at the last minute but we managed to send them to school in person which I such a relief for me. I see so many friends posting pictures of their young kids falling asleep in front of a computer and I am so glad we don't have to do that. Kids are meant to be with other kids! You were both excited to get back and you love your new teachers.  I really struggled over the summer with whether or not to send you back to ALA. It seemed like maybe it was time to move you to Canyon Rim so you could get to know more kids in the neighborhood. But then everything happened and out of pure confusion we decided to keep you at ALA. I'm so glad we did! Kaybree has developed a good set of close friends there. It just warms my heart t...