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Hey Mom

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This was originally written 8/15/17:

J walked outside and called his mom last night. His real mom. The mom who brought him to this earth. The mom he has been dying to speak to for 10 years. That mom. She was anxious to talk to him too. She didn't even know he no longer lives with his grandparents. She hunted him down there when she was released from jail but DCS wouldn't give her any information on his whereabouts.

They talked for hours last night. I admit, I did my best to eavesdrop. Their conversation was mostly sharing pictures and memories and her exclaiming her joy over and over.

If I just had me to worry about I would have packed him up in the car last night and driven to see her--but it's not that simple.

DCS still has a hold on his life. They have to check and double check that everything in this situation is going to be safe. They have a process to go through. I have no idea what that process is. Someone is going to call me this afternoon to give me more information.

Right now I feel... achy. I want so badly for him to have a relationship with her. I want her to have her baby back. I want to be the bridge that connects them and brings them back together. But in my dreams everything is a fairy tale ending. In my dreams she's healthy, happy and stable. She has a job and a future and family around her to support her. I don't know what reality is. I don't know if she's using any drugs or building healthy relationships. I don't know if she's mature enough to have a healthy relationship with my family.

Above all there's this threat that finally J has somewhere to go and if I don't support him he may go there and he may not be safe. He believes he can take care of himself. Physically I think he can. Emotionally I don't think he knows how to.

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