I think we, as a society, are always prepared to jump to the worst conclusions about kids like J. That includes me.
We recently found out he accepted cigarettes from a friend. Knowing just that, we assumed he smoked them. He swears he didn't smoke them but asked for them so he could give them to another friend--to get him to stop smoking weed. As dumb as that sounds, I believe him. Now. But at first, and I think reasonably so, I didn't. We jumped to the conclusion that he was smoking. We got upset that it felt like he was hiding it from us. He has no idea why we would jump to that conclusion. He doesn't understand that he put himself in that situation. He doesn't understand why we would think he is smoking. He got mad at us for assuming the worst.
We did the same thing several days earlier when it was getting late and he wasn't home and also wasn't answering his phone. I thought back to everything we had disagreed about. I feared he had run away. I feared he was rebelling. I hopped in the car to go look for him. He showed up at exactly 10 p.m. and had no idea why we were worried.
People who don't know him will jump to even further conclusions--simply because they do not know him. He's practically a grown man. He functions very normally, speaks, smiles and interacts like a 16 year old--but makes decisions and plays like a 12 year old boy. That scares people. He doesn't understand why.
His lack of understanding means I can't protect him. I can't stop him and and I can't even correct him after the fact because to him the correction makes no sense. It's just people being mean. He makes decisions with an innocence that people don't understand. If he sees a crying child, he does what he can to calm them. If he sees kids playing on the playground he jumps in and joins them, no matter the age. He isn't bothered by the fact that he does not know these people. You can imagine this is troubling to parents of toddlers. He doesn't see why.
It makes me wish we all lived in his world. Where if you see a child, you do what you can to make them happy. You forget about where you are or what's going on or what anyone else thinks and you just play.
I feel like I need to make him a shirt to wear at all times that says "Don't worry, just love me!" I want to hug the people who are able to do that. Who see a kid who is way to old to be playing in a bounce house and shrug it off or laugh along or who appreciate the older kid happily pushing the merry-go-round and don't question his motives.
I'm trying to adjust to be that person myself. Maybe not for moms in this exact same circumstance but for the mom whose child just climbed up the shelf at the store or the one whose child doesn't ever seem to stop talking. Maybe I can be more understanding of the kid who stares or the one who has no inside voice. It's not normal, but it's ok. Let's not jump to conclusions.
We recently found out he accepted cigarettes from a friend. Knowing just that, we assumed he smoked them. He swears he didn't smoke them but asked for them so he could give them to another friend--to get him to stop smoking weed. As dumb as that sounds, I believe him. Now. But at first, and I think reasonably so, I didn't. We jumped to the conclusion that he was smoking. We got upset that it felt like he was hiding it from us. He has no idea why we would jump to that conclusion. He doesn't understand that he put himself in that situation. He doesn't understand why we would think he is smoking. He got mad at us for assuming the worst.
We did the same thing several days earlier when it was getting late and he wasn't home and also wasn't answering his phone. I thought back to everything we had disagreed about. I feared he had run away. I feared he was rebelling. I hopped in the car to go look for him. He showed up at exactly 10 p.m. and had no idea why we were worried.
People who don't know him will jump to even further conclusions--simply because they do not know him. He's practically a grown man. He functions very normally, speaks, smiles and interacts like a 16 year old--but makes decisions and plays like a 12 year old boy. That scares people. He doesn't understand why.
His lack of understanding means I can't protect him. I can't stop him and and I can't even correct him after the fact because to him the correction makes no sense. It's just people being mean. He makes decisions with an innocence that people don't understand. If he sees a crying child, he does what he can to calm them. If he sees kids playing on the playground he jumps in and joins them, no matter the age. He isn't bothered by the fact that he does not know these people. You can imagine this is troubling to parents of toddlers. He doesn't see why.
It makes me wish we all lived in his world. Where if you see a child, you do what you can to make them happy. You forget about where you are or what's going on or what anyone else thinks and you just play.
I feel like I need to make him a shirt to wear at all times that says "Don't worry, just love me!" I want to hug the people who are able to do that. Who see a kid who is way to old to be playing in a bounce house and shrug it off or laugh along or who appreciate the older kid happily pushing the merry-go-round and don't question his motives.
I'm trying to adjust to be that person myself. Maybe not for moms in this exact same circumstance but for the mom whose child just climbed up the shelf at the store or the one whose child doesn't ever seem to stop talking. Maybe I can be more understanding of the kid who stares or the one who has no inside voice. It's not normal, but it's ok. Let's not jump to conclusions.
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