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The cycle

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I'm stuck with this constant decision: Give a punishment even though I know it won't work or ignore the problem completely even though I know the result will not be good.

It's always about school. For whatever reason you seem to give up when it comes to school. When asked, you are fully committed. But when a challenge comes up, like a teacher you don't quite connect with, you give up. You decide to sleep instead of work. You know it's a mistake. You know you have already failed enough classes to require you to take an additional year of high school (at least). And yet, any time I offer assistance you act like I have no trust in you and you push me away.

I don't have any trust when it comes to your school work. You haven't earned it. But I still have hope. I believe you have the capacity. I believe if you apply yourself you could go far. But you don't. And I can't make you.

Yesterday you were sent home from school for sleeping in class and giving attitude to the teacher. So I cut off your wifi a little earlier. But today you still slept in class. So now I sit here. Do I turn off the wifi even earlier? It won't make you sleep at night, but it makes me feel a little vindicated. I have every right to punish you. But what's the purpose?

So I've decided to let you fail. Even though at this point you are doing it intentionally.  Even though I know if you just asked for help, the result could be completely different. Even though I know you're making a mistake.

I'm making a decision to let you fail because I love you. That matters more to me than however long it takes you to graduate high school. I wish you could see that.

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