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Baby bump

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As I walked into work this morning I noticed something strange. My stomach was in my line of vision as I walked. That doesn't happen usually. So I thought I must be walking strange. But no, my stomach is actually that big.

I remember with Kaybree I got swollen. I couldn't wear my wedding ring. I had constant cancles instead of ankles. I see pictures and think "Ugh, even my face was gross." So puffy. I was relieved when it went away quickly. I don't remember at what stage it all started happening though. I just remember that it did.

With Eisley I was much less swollen. I didn't get the swelling in my legs. I eventually had to resort to the fake wedding ring instead of my real one but it was much later on. I took Kaybree to a free photo session one weekend and it ended up being Mommy and me photos since she refused to smile on her own. I actually look cute in the photos. Super pregnant, but cute. The kind of pregnant you might miss if you saw me from behind.

I'm afraid to see what kind of pregnancy this will turn out to be. So far I still have my wedding ring on. It's still sliding on and off just fine. My legs seem a little swollen but I can still see my ankles. I may just have fat legs these days--not pregnancy related. There's no doubting I'm pregnant. I cannot hide the bump.

It's strange thinking about my own body image during pregnancy. I flip flop back and forth. Some days I'm amazed what my body is doing  and the fact that it's getting done with no conscious effort from me. I'm also not sick at all and haven't been and that is amazing. It's incredible feeling this tiny human inside me and then seeing my precious girls in front of me and knowing the potential that is coming. My girls are fantastic little humans. I can't believe I have the power to create those.

Then there are the moments when I try to get up from a laying position and struggle a little bit. Or I take off my shirt to hop in the shower and see how stretched my skin is and how my belly button is an outy already. And my face is a little swollen. It's gross. I don't like the extra weight. I'm embarrassed to tell people how far along I am because I feel like my bump should be so much smaller. Everyone comments with the usual "That is the cutest baby bump I've ever seen!" but it's not so cute considering it's only half way developed. I feel like I could deliver any day now. I'm not even in my third trimester!

I have to keep reminding myself that no matter what--this miracle really is a miracle. And my body will survive. And how my body looks right now, while struggling to create another little body, is OK. Brendon reminded me the other night it's only 9 months. My body has bounced back in the past and hopefully it will again. Until then I need to enjoy this little bump. As strange as it is, I know I'll miss it when it's gone.

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