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It's the middle of the night and I can't sleep. I keep thinking of everything I want to say to you but can't. If there's anything I've learned it's my pain doesn't matter. My rejection doesn't matter. Because you're the one in pain. You're the one with trauma. I just have to remember that. Anything you do to me can't hurt me. I can't be offended.

But why won't you go on vacation with us? Why won't you come home for dinner? Why won't you come out of your room? Why won't you freaking hug me sometimes?

Just a few days ago I sat and reminded brendon that what we are doing is a good thing and we can't give up. But tonight the rejection is hitting me hard. It hurts.

You don't mean to hurt or offend. You're just taking care of you. And because of your trauma, I have to accept that. So I'll just sit here and cry for a while. I'll let my heart break while you do you. I'll play the part of landlord when what I really want is so much more. And I'll pretend I'm not hurt that you want to spend as much time away from me as possible. You didn't even have the decency to stop by to say goodbye today or answer my call. That's fine. No big deal. I can handle this.

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