Skip to main content
By

It's the middle of the night and I can't sleep. I keep thinking of everything I want to say to you but can't. If there's anything I've learned it's my pain doesn't matter. My rejection doesn't matter. Because you're the one in pain. You're the one with trauma. I just have to remember that. Anything you do to me can't hurt me. I can't be offended.

But why won't you go on vacation with us? Why won't you come home for dinner? Why won't you come out of your room? Why won't you freaking hug me sometimes?

Just a few days ago I sat and reminded brendon that what we are doing is a good thing and we can't give up. But tonight the rejection is hitting me hard. It hurts.

You don't mean to hurt or offend. You're just taking care of you. And because of your trauma, I have to accept that. So I'll just sit here and cry for a while. I'll let my heart break while you do you. I'll play the part of landlord when what I really want is so much more. And I'll pretend I'm not hurt that you want to spend as much time away from me as possible. You didn't even have the decency to stop by to say goodbye today or answer my call. That's fine. No big deal. I can handle this.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I did it!

By
Today, I achieved a great professional achievement. I got my CFRE. It’s a big deal.  Brendon is out of town so I took the girls to get sushi to celebrate. This was our conversation on the way home.  *Passed by a Husband and Wife Law Team billboard Eisley: That dude wears suspenders. I would not call them first. I would call Jonathan first.  Me: I would call Brother Briggs first because he’s a criminal defense lawyer. Jon does HOA law which would not be very useful. Eisley: Ooo yeah. I feel like I’m going to be that kid some day. I’d call Brittany because she has experience, then Bro Briggs.  Me: You’re going to be the one to call to hide a body?  Eisley: Yeah. I’ll probably already be hiding one. I feel like I’m the Brittany, Aspen is Brodie, Kaybree is Dad.  Kaybree: Hmmm, I’m not sure. Aspen—do you like girls? Aspen: What? Kaybree: Just, would you like to marry a girl one day? Aspen: No.  Eisley: If you did, we would love her.  And then we all l...
Post a Comment
Read more

Tearful moments

By
In January I cried through my appointments with my oncology doctor and surgeons. The whole idea of having a preventative mastectomy was overwhelming.  I made my peace with it. I made a plan for myself. Work slows down near the end of the year and we get all sorts of holidays so I thought if I could take my time off then, I would be fine. I made it through two whole doctor's appointments with no tears and no fear, because I had a plan, and then today that was messed up. My doctor told me reconstruction could take up to three months--which means I can't do the surgery when I originally planned if I want to get it all done in one calendar year (for insurance purposes). She suggested moving it up to August. That is next month. And if we do the surgery in August that means our family trip we have planned for October--it's a no. Camping trip I planned for September? Probably not. And honestly that all makes me more upset than anything. And suddenly I'm crying again.  I want t...
Post a Comment
Read more

Memories

By
Originally written 4/15/26 I volunteered to be a “fun” mom tomorrow and participate in “Whose mom is it?” During primary. There will be four moms with bags on our heads and we will answer questions and the kids will have to guess who it is. Problem is the questions are so hard! I’ll paste them here and practice my answers. What’s your “mom superpower” (besides finding lost things)? I think maybe filling out paperwork? I excel at that.  What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever said as a mom? Probably “no more licking your sister’s feet.” How long can you hide in the bathroom before someone notices? I think 15 minutes before they start wondering where I’m at but a solid hour till they find me. What’s your most-used mom phrase? I don’t know. Maybe “Do it yourself?” Have you ever eaten candy in secret so you didn’t have to share? Of course. ⸻ 🍕 Everyday Mom Life Humor What’s your go-to “I don’t feel like cooking” dinner? Chicken Alfredo. Or beans and rice. What chore do you pr...
Post a Comment
Read more