Skip to main content

Nothing criminal

By
It was like I was in the twilight zone. I had called police for help because a young girl told me she was afraid to go home and I was afraid her abuser would show up at my home looking for her. Now the police were outside my house giving that same girl a stern lecture about lying and running away while she cried, trying to defend herself.

I was told never to let her into my house again. I was told to run far away from this girl. I was told not to call the police about her again. I was told they were sick of dealing with her.

"We don't have the time or resources to deal with her."

Five minutes earlier she was watching Trolls with my 3 and 5 year olds. Two days earlier she jumped off the couch to help me clean when she saw me bring out the vacuum. I realize the few hours we spent were rare glimpses into who she was or could be. I realize she's made PLENTY of mistakes but I operate in a world where kids should have a voice. Where adults should listen. Where safety doesn't just mean physically fed and clothed. So imagine my surprise when officers showed up at my door an hour after I called them and seemed annoyed.

"DCS has investigated and found nothing criminal."
 "She told me he tried to shave off her eyebrow--"
"Good for him. He said he was going to shave her head to teach her a lesson. Wouldn't you?" 

I don't really care about the mistakes this girl has made. The stories she told me (and there were several) were abuse in my eyes. In the very least she needs therapy. Even before that she needs respect. Are there no resources that could be offered? No one willing to become a mentor?

She showed up a day later worried she might be pregnant. She's 14. All I could do was hand her a pregnancy test and wish her well.

Sometimes as a foster parent you deal not only with the trauma of the child you've brought into your home but the trauma of the friends they attract as well. It's opened a new, scary world for me. As an adult I can understand differing perspectives. I did it often as a reporter. But I worry about the youth who feel like no one in "the system" hears them or cares about them. How do I teach them that isn't true? How I teach them to keep moving forward, doing your best and speaking out when things are not right?

I suppose I can keep telling them, even if it seems like what I say isn't true. I can also write, because that helps me. And maybe some day I'll look back on the whole experience and have a better answer.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My biggest challenge

By
I’m a writer by trade. I’ve always wanted to be a writer. I love to put my feelings into words. Yet, in the last month, I’ve been having a very difficult time vocalizing what’s happening in my life. It’s not because it’s been sad or difficult or anything like that. It’s mostly because there is someone new in my life who I care very deeply for who I feel this deep need to protect. I want to protect his identity, his story, his life. I don’t want to overstep any boundaries or crush any trust. I recognize the life he has lived has not been easy and so I tread lightly on this relationship we’ve built. But honestly—it’s a fantastic relationship. He’s an amazing kid. I’ve been asked to write a blog post for an organization that helps recruit foster parents about the first few weeks of being a foster parent. I’m having difficulty deciding what to write. I feel like anything I write about my case probably won’t apply to their case so it’s not very helpful. I keep writing drafts and then...
Post a Comment
Read more

Summer time

By
This summer is flying by! I've been taking Kaybree to the same sitter every day since 10 weeks old when I went back to work, Shaunelle Eyestone. You are their 5th kid. But with four kids of her own home all summer and a new baby coming along Shaunelle asked to go to part time this summer. Luckily we have awesome family near by willing to help me out and watch you girls! Grandma Bonnie has been taking you two days a week and says it's the best part of her week. She loves it! She's a substitute teacher during the school year so she has the summer off. She's so sweet to watch you both for free. It's also giving you a chance to get to know John better as Bonnie asks him to help out each day. He's learning more about babies and you're opening up to him more. It's sweet to see. Fridays Aunt Brittany takes the two of you for free. Her kids basically just spoil you both all day. They argue over whose turn it is to hold Eisley and Kaybree basically becomes th...
Post a Comment
Read more

Jumping to conclusions

By
I think we, as a society, are always prepared to jump to the worst conclusions about kids like J. That includes me.  We recently found out he accepted cigarettes from a friend. Knowing just that, we assumed he smoked them. He swears he didn't smoke them but asked for them so he could give them to another friend--to get him to stop smoking weed. As dumb as that sounds, I believe him. Now. But at first, and I think reasonably so, I didn't. We jumped to the conclusion that he was smoking. We got upset that it felt like he was hiding it from us. He has no idea why we would jump to that conclusion. He doesn't understand that he put himself in that situation. He doesn't understand why we would think he is smoking. He got mad at us for assuming the worst. We did the same thing several days earlier when it was getting late and he wasn't home and also wasn't answering his phone. I thought back to everything we had disagreed about. I feared he had run away. I feared h...
Post a Comment
Read more