It was like I was in the twilight zone. I had called police for help because a young girl told me she was afraid to go home and I was afraid her abuser would show up at my home looking for her. Now the police were outside my house giving that same girl a stern lecture about lying and running away while she cried, trying to defend herself.
I was told never to let her into my house again. I was told to run far away from this girl. I was told not to call the police about her again. I was told they were sick of dealing with her.
"We don't have the time or resources to deal with her."
Five minutes earlier she was watching Trolls with my 3 and 5 year olds. Two days earlier she jumped off the couch to help me clean when she saw me bring out the vacuum. I realize the few hours we spent were rare glimpses into who she was or could be. I realize she's made PLENTY of mistakes but I operate in a world where kids should have a voice. Where adults should listen. Where safety doesn't just mean physically fed and clothed. So imagine my surprise when officers showed up at my door an hour after I called them and seemed annoyed.
"DCS has investigated and found nothing criminal."
"She told me he tried to shave off her eyebrow--"
"Good for him. He said he was going to shave her head to teach her a lesson. Wouldn't you?"
I don't really care about the mistakes this girl has made. The stories she told me (and there were several) were abuse in my eyes. In the very least she needs therapy. Even before that she needs respect. Are there no resources that could be offered? No one willing to become a mentor?
She showed up a day later worried she might be pregnant. She's 14. All I could do was hand her a pregnancy test and wish her well.
Sometimes as a foster parent you deal not only with the trauma of the child you've brought into your home but the trauma of the friends they attract as well. It's opened a new, scary world for me. As an adult I can understand differing perspectives. I did it often as a reporter. But I worry about the youth who feel like no one in "the system" hears them or cares about them. How do I teach them that isn't true? How I teach them to keep moving forward, doing your best and speaking out when things are not right?
I suppose I can keep telling them, even if it seems like what I say isn't true. I can also write, because that helps me. And maybe some day I'll look back on the whole experience and have a better answer.
I was told never to let her into my house again. I was told to run far away from this girl. I was told not to call the police about her again. I was told they were sick of dealing with her.
"We don't have the time or resources to deal with her."
Five minutes earlier she was watching Trolls with my 3 and 5 year olds. Two days earlier she jumped off the couch to help me clean when she saw me bring out the vacuum. I realize the few hours we spent were rare glimpses into who she was or could be. I realize she's made PLENTY of mistakes but I operate in a world where kids should have a voice. Where adults should listen. Where safety doesn't just mean physically fed and clothed. So imagine my surprise when officers showed up at my door an hour after I called them and seemed annoyed.
"DCS has investigated and found nothing criminal."
"She told me he tried to shave off her eyebrow--"
"Good for him. He said he was going to shave her head to teach her a lesson. Wouldn't you?"
I don't really care about the mistakes this girl has made. The stories she told me (and there were several) were abuse in my eyes. In the very least she needs therapy. Even before that she needs respect. Are there no resources that could be offered? No one willing to become a mentor?
She showed up a day later worried she might be pregnant. She's 14. All I could do was hand her a pregnancy test and wish her well.
Sometimes as a foster parent you deal not only with the trauma of the child you've brought into your home but the trauma of the friends they attract as well. It's opened a new, scary world for me. As an adult I can understand differing perspectives. I did it often as a reporter. But I worry about the youth who feel like no one in "the system" hears them or cares about them. How do I teach them that isn't true? How I teach them to keep moving forward, doing your best and speaking out when things are not right?
I suppose I can keep telling them, even if it seems like what I say isn't true. I can also write, because that helps me. And maybe some day I'll look back on the whole experience and have a better answer.
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