I thought our foster care journey was different. I thought the biological family would never come back into the picture and if they did, I thought I would be happy. I would be so supportive. But then the fear sets in. I don't want him to be let down. I don't want him to be mislead. I know he can take care of himself, but I don't want him to.
I guess I got a glimpse of what other foster families experience. Even if reunification really is the best thing, it still hurts. It hurts that as hard as you try--there's always this threat that you are not enough.
Hard to believe I haven't written since the day I felt like giving up on our foster care journey. For the record I was not really going to give up--I just felt worthless. Like I was easily replaced. I talked to J about it the next day and he assured me he doesn't plan on leaving. He likes staying with us. That was nice to hear. It calmed my fears. It put me in a place where I really can be supportive--whatever that looks like. Only time will tell.
But there's still adjustment going on. The biggest issues are school and family dinners.
Family dinners are just hard to get use to and take away from time with friends. I think the school is doing the best that they know how to do but I also feel like it's not good enough. Like they need teachers who are more trauma informed. They need classes that are more hands on. I would say they need more teachers but most of J's classes have only 2-5 kids in them right now so that's not too much of an issue. They just need to be more engaged with him so he can be more engaged in his work. They need to explain why they are doing each thing they do, because he needs to hear that. They need to challenge him. He's missing that.
On the opposite side of the spectrum Kaybree loves school so much she plays school every single day when she gets home from school. We come in, she eats a snack and then she says "I gotta go teach!" and she runs upstairs to set up her classroom of teddy bears and baby dolls. She's always Ms. Hunsaker. She leads her class with patience and reminds them of the rules. She also writes notes and draws pictures for Ms. Hunsaker at least once a week. Sometimes more. She'll make a great teacher one day--but she says she doesn't want to be a teacher. She's going to be a doctor. I'm ok with either one.
Eisley started school this week. She very confidently told me she would be walking into the classroom all by herself. And she did. No looking back. She's such a fireball I cannot imagine how she behaves at school. I imagine she behaves but she NEVER stops talking!
An Eisley-ism from recently: We went to the Desert Botanical Gardens and Eisley called the cactus a Poke-tus. She's so cute. She has also started saying "You'll pay for this!" and she's picking up some stuff from Jose like "I will kill you!" and "It's not time so shut up!" Yeah, not too pleased about those... but we'll work on it!
I guess I got a glimpse of what other foster families experience. Even if reunification really is the best thing, it still hurts. It hurts that as hard as you try--there's always this threat that you are not enough.
Hard to believe I haven't written since the day I felt like giving up on our foster care journey. For the record I was not really going to give up--I just felt worthless. Like I was easily replaced. I talked to J about it the next day and he assured me he doesn't plan on leaving. He likes staying with us. That was nice to hear. It calmed my fears. It put me in a place where I really can be supportive--whatever that looks like. Only time will tell.
But there's still adjustment going on. The biggest issues are school and family dinners.
Family dinners are just hard to get use to and take away from time with friends. I think the school is doing the best that they know how to do but I also feel like it's not good enough. Like they need teachers who are more trauma informed. They need classes that are more hands on. I would say they need more teachers but most of J's classes have only 2-5 kids in them right now so that's not too much of an issue. They just need to be more engaged with him so he can be more engaged in his work. They need to explain why they are doing each thing they do, because he needs to hear that. They need to challenge him. He's missing that.
On the opposite side of the spectrum Kaybree loves school so much she plays school every single day when she gets home from school. We come in, she eats a snack and then she says "I gotta go teach!" and she runs upstairs to set up her classroom of teddy bears and baby dolls. She's always Ms. Hunsaker. She leads her class with patience and reminds them of the rules. She also writes notes and draws pictures for Ms. Hunsaker at least once a week. Sometimes more. She'll make a great teacher one day--but she says she doesn't want to be a teacher. She's going to be a doctor. I'm ok with either one.
An Eisley-ism from recently: We went to the Desert Botanical Gardens and Eisley called the cactus a Poke-tus. She's so cute. She has also started saying "You'll pay for this!" and she's picking up some stuff from Jose like "I will kill you!" and "It's not time so shut up!" Yeah, not too pleased about those... but we'll work on it!
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