Skip to main content

Who are we?

Ever since we've been licensed I've had quite a few people say to me "I know the perfect kid for you!" They then go on to describe an adorable kid they met who has no behaviors and really needs a family.

This has happened several times. So it occurs to me that lots of people know lots of kids who are really great kids and need a home.

I will say all the people who have told me about kids are well-versed in foster care and are not currently in a position to foster so while they are aware of the problem, and aware that there are good kids, they are not able to take them. But it makes me wish more people were more educated. If you had met any kid in foster care you would probably think the same thing. You'd realize these are good kids. And they need a home. And you'd think "Someone should give them a home!"

We met with J's case worker and social worker last week. We learned all about his background and the fact that he honestly hasn't had much of a "family" his entire life. I worry that now having a family will be a bit traumatic. His case worker teared up a little bit at the end--knowing that if we do take him into our home her role in his life will end as his case will be transferred to another worker.

It was amazing to sit at that table and have the opportunity to ask any question we wanted and to hear all about him. They also sketched out some things that have been neglected for a while and may need another look over. I wish all foster parents could have that experience before bringing a child into their home. I know it's not possible, but it would go such a long way to making them feel more respected and like part of a team.

I'm pretty understanding at this point that once he begins living with us we will have a few weeks of really great behavior and then he may need to test his surroundings a bit as he becomes comfortable. He probably won't even know why he's doing it and I have no idea what he might do. No one does.

I learn a lot about trauma in my work. Sometimes when I hear about adverse childhood experiences and the fact that trauma you experience as a child lasts forever, it's another thing I think everyone should know. I feel like all kids in foster care should be taking a class on trauma at home or at school so they can better understand why they feel the way they do and maybe come to terms with it. My only concern is I would never want someone to use their ACEs as an excuse. ACEs do stick around longer than most people realize--but resiliency is possible. Overcoming is possible. With support. With consistency. With caring adults.

At the end of our visit when we learned all there is to know about J, they asked us to think about it. (Which we did, for a second. I looked at Brendon, he looked at me and we both nodded and said "We're good.") and then create a family profile of ourselves with some information about us. One page. Some pictures. They want to take that to J for him to look over before meeting us.

That's a tough assignment. How do you condense everything you want to say about yourself onto one page? I kept it very brief, obviously. I made mention of all living creatures at our house. Bently, our big friendly dog. Dudley, our small cuddly dog. Turtle, our free-roaming tortoise. Kaybree, shy and sweet yet bossy and silly. And Eisley, the goof. I also shared that Brendon likes basketball and Star Wars and I like rollercoasters and trying new things. I also mentioned that we're Mormon and we have lots of family near by.

I didn't feel like it was appropriate to mention that we have a bedroom all made up for him. That I go in there at least once every few days and think about what I might do to make it even more ready--and then I convince myself that he should be the one to personalize it.
I didn't mention that people from church are already planning on holding a "clothing drive" of sorts to fill his drawers and to purchase him some new shoes.
I didn't mention family members are already scouring the internet to find us a basketball hoop for our backyard so Brendon can fulfill his dream of playing basketball with his boy.
I didn't mention that we were 13 and 15 when he was born and are woefully underqualified for this assignment.
I didn't mention that we still struggle getting our girls to sleep in their own beds sometimes.
I didn't mention that I already use his name in casual conversation whenever I'm talking about the future--assuming he'll be a part of it and that everywhere we go I'm now picturing how it might be different with him there.

His social worker will take the profile I create to J this week and introduce us to him. Then we can schedule a first meeting with him. I cannot wait!




Comments

Popular posts from this blog

My biggest challenge

I’m a writer by trade. I’ve always wanted to be a writer. I love to put my feelings into words. Yet, in the last month, I’ve been having a very difficult time vocalizing what’s happening in my life. It’s not because it’s been sad or difficult or anything like that. It’s mostly because there is someone new in my life who I care very deeply for who I feel this deep need to protect. I want to protect his identity, his story, his life. I don’t want to overstep any boundaries or crush any trust. I recognize the life he has lived has not been easy and so I tread lightly on this relationship we’ve built. But honestly—it’s a fantastic relationship. He’s an amazing kid. I’ve been asked to write a blog post for an organization that helps recruit foster parents about the first few weeks of being a foster parent. I’m having difficulty deciding what to write. I feel like anything I write about my case probably won’t apply to their case so it’s not very helpful. I keep writing drafts and then...

Summer time

This summer is flying by! I've been taking Kaybree to the same sitter every day since 10 weeks old when I went back to work, Shaunelle Eyestone. You are their 5th kid. But with four kids of her own home all summer and a new baby coming along Shaunelle asked to go to part time this summer. Luckily we have awesome family near by willing to help me out and watch you girls! Grandma Bonnie has been taking you two days a week and says it's the best part of her week. She loves it! She's a substitute teacher during the school year so she has the summer off. She's so sweet to watch you both for free. It's also giving you a chance to get to know John better as Bonnie asks him to help out each day. He's learning more about babies and you're opening up to him more. It's sweet to see. Fridays Aunt Brittany takes the two of you for free. Her kids basically just spoil you both all day. They argue over whose turn it is to hold Eisley and Kaybree basically becomes th...

I feel stupid

“I don’t feel cared for.” “I feel stupid.” Those are two things I never wanted to hear my kids say but you said both to me this weekend. I had just started the shower and went out into the hallway to search for a clean towel and there you were, in the dark, slumped against the side of the hallway with your head in between your knees. You weren’t crying yet but it was clear things were not OK. I assumed it was another fight with your sister, and maybe it was at first, but when I asked what was wrong that was the response I got. I went back into my bathroom and turned off the water. This would take an extra long hug. I pulled you into my arms and told you I feel stupid all the time. We’re all learning every day and it’s OK. It’s more true for me than I would like to admit. My job right now is hard and there seems to be at least one day each week when I feel like I can’t do anything right. I hate that feeling. I hate even more that my sweet girl is feeling it. So how do we move...