Ever since we've been licensed I've had quite a few people say to me "I know the perfect kid for you!" They then go on to describe an adorable kid they met who has no behaviors and really needs a family.
This has happened several times. So it occurs to me that lots of people know lots of kids who are really great kids and need a home.
I will say all the people who have told me about kids are well-versed in foster care and are not currently in a position to foster so while they are aware of the problem, and aware that there are good kids, they are not able to take them. But it makes me wish more people were more educated. If you had met any kid in foster care you would probably think the same thing. You'd realize these are good kids. And they need a home. And you'd think "Someone should give them a home!"
We met with J's case worker and social worker last week. We learned all about his background and the fact that he honestly hasn't had much of a "family" his entire life. I worry that now having a family will be a bit traumatic. His case worker teared up a little bit at the end--knowing that if we do take him into our home her role in his life will end as his case will be transferred to another worker.
It was amazing to sit at that table and have the opportunity to ask any question we wanted and to hear all about him. They also sketched out some things that have been neglected for a while and may need another look over. I wish all foster parents could have that experience before bringing a child into their home. I know it's not possible, but it would go such a long way to making them feel more respected and like part of a team.
I'm pretty understanding at this point that once he begins living with us we will have a few weeks of really great behavior and then he may need to test his surroundings a bit as he becomes comfortable. He probably won't even know why he's doing it and I have no idea what he might do. No one does.
I learn a lot about trauma in my work. Sometimes when I hear about adverse childhood experiences and the fact that trauma you experience as a child lasts forever, it's another thing I think everyone should know. I feel like all kids in foster care should be taking a class on trauma at home or at school so they can better understand why they feel the way they do and maybe come to terms with it. My only concern is I would never want someone to use their ACEs as an excuse. ACEs do stick around longer than most people realize--but resiliency is possible. Overcoming is possible. With support. With consistency. With caring adults.
At the end of our visit when we learned all there is to know about J, they asked us to think about it. (Which we did, for a second. I looked at Brendon, he looked at me and we both nodded and said "We're good.") and then create a family profile of ourselves with some information about us. One page. Some pictures. They want to take that to J for him to look over before meeting us.
That's a tough assignment. How do you condense everything you want to say about yourself onto one page? I kept it very brief, obviously. I made mention of all living creatures at our house. Bently, our big friendly dog. Dudley, our small cuddly dog. Turtle, our free-roaming tortoise. Kaybree, shy and sweet yet bossy and silly. And Eisley, the goof. I also shared that Brendon likes basketball and Star Wars and I like rollercoasters and trying new things. I also mentioned that we're Mormon and we have lots of family near by.
I didn't feel like it was appropriate to mention that we have a bedroom all made up for him. That I go in there at least once every few days and think about what I might do to make it even more ready--and then I convince myself that he should be the one to personalize it.
I didn't mention that people from church are already planning on holding a "clothing drive" of sorts to fill his drawers and to purchase him some new shoes.
I didn't mention family members are already scouring the internet to find us a basketball hoop for our backyard so Brendon can fulfill his dream of playing basketball with his boy.
I didn't mention that we were 13 and 15 when he was born and are woefully underqualified for this assignment.
I didn't mention that we still struggle getting our girls to sleep in their own beds sometimes.
I didn't mention that I already use his name in casual conversation whenever I'm talking about the future--assuming he'll be a part of it and that everywhere we go I'm now picturing how it might be different with him there.
His social worker will take the profile I create to J this week and introduce us to him. Then we can schedule a first meeting with him. I cannot wait!
This has happened several times. So it occurs to me that lots of people know lots of kids who are really great kids and need a home.
I will say all the people who have told me about kids are well-versed in foster care and are not currently in a position to foster so while they are aware of the problem, and aware that there are good kids, they are not able to take them. But it makes me wish more people were more educated. If you had met any kid in foster care you would probably think the same thing. You'd realize these are good kids. And they need a home. And you'd think "Someone should give them a home!"
We met with J's case worker and social worker last week. We learned all about his background and the fact that he honestly hasn't had much of a "family" his entire life. I worry that now having a family will be a bit traumatic. His case worker teared up a little bit at the end--knowing that if we do take him into our home her role in his life will end as his case will be transferred to another worker.
It was amazing to sit at that table and have the opportunity to ask any question we wanted and to hear all about him. They also sketched out some things that have been neglected for a while and may need another look over. I wish all foster parents could have that experience before bringing a child into their home. I know it's not possible, but it would go such a long way to making them feel more respected and like part of a team.
I'm pretty understanding at this point that once he begins living with us we will have a few weeks of really great behavior and then he may need to test his surroundings a bit as he becomes comfortable. He probably won't even know why he's doing it and I have no idea what he might do. No one does.
I learn a lot about trauma in my work. Sometimes when I hear about adverse childhood experiences and the fact that trauma you experience as a child lasts forever, it's another thing I think everyone should know. I feel like all kids in foster care should be taking a class on trauma at home or at school so they can better understand why they feel the way they do and maybe come to terms with it. My only concern is I would never want someone to use their ACEs as an excuse. ACEs do stick around longer than most people realize--but resiliency is possible. Overcoming is possible. With support. With consistency. With caring adults.
At the end of our visit when we learned all there is to know about J, they asked us to think about it. (Which we did, for a second. I looked at Brendon, he looked at me and we both nodded and said "We're good.") and then create a family profile of ourselves with some information about us. One page. Some pictures. They want to take that to J for him to look over before meeting us.
That's a tough assignment. How do you condense everything you want to say about yourself onto one page? I kept it very brief, obviously. I made mention of all living creatures at our house. Bently, our big friendly dog. Dudley, our small cuddly dog. Turtle, our free-roaming tortoise. Kaybree, shy and sweet yet bossy and silly. And Eisley, the goof. I also shared that Brendon likes basketball and Star Wars and I like rollercoasters and trying new things. I also mentioned that we're Mormon and we have lots of family near by.
I didn't feel like it was appropriate to mention that we have a bedroom all made up for him. That I go in there at least once every few days and think about what I might do to make it even more ready--and then I convince myself that he should be the one to personalize it.
I didn't mention that people from church are already planning on holding a "clothing drive" of sorts to fill his drawers and to purchase him some new shoes.
I didn't mention family members are already scouring the internet to find us a basketball hoop for our backyard so Brendon can fulfill his dream of playing basketball with his boy.
I didn't mention that we were 13 and 15 when he was born and are woefully underqualified for this assignment.
I didn't mention that we still struggle getting our girls to sleep in their own beds sometimes.
I didn't mention that I already use his name in casual conversation whenever I'm talking about the future--assuming he'll be a part of it and that everywhere we go I'm now picturing how it might be different with him there.
His social worker will take the profile I create to J this week and introduce us to him. Then we can schedule a first meeting with him. I cannot wait!
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