Memories from today

Brendon while playing hide and seek with the girls: Where are yooooooou? Here? No... Here? No... Who wants skittles?!
Eisley from inside her hiding space: Me!

Kaybree drew this picture of herself outside our house with Dudley. I did her hair in two little buns that day so the detail she added just amazed me! Also, Kaybree still doesn't know how to spell her name. She doesn't take correction well from me and I'm afraid if I correct her she'll stop trying. Karyee is close enough anyways!

Another of Kaybree's drawings. This is of me, Kaybree, Eisley and her new brother.

Eisley called me into the laundry room to see her do this.

Add caption

Girls now also love riding camels. We'll probably have to do this every time we go to the zoo now.

So then we did this. She wanted to close the door. I told her that was not a good idea.

Comments

Grief

Grief is such a weird thing. Why does a death have to hurt even 16 years after it happened? Why does it hurt at all if it's such a part of life? And when it does hurt it just feels silly. I can't shut my life down every time it hits. Life doesn't work like that. It never has. Life has continued in the past 16 years. It's completely different now. It's a life she never experienced. It's a life she wasn't a part of (to no fault of her own!) So why does it still hurt? And when it does hurt why does it hit like a ton of bricks? Why can't I stop the tears from coming? How are you supposed to act when someone is grieving? I don't know, and that's why I hide it from my husband and kids. Because they can't understand. They never knew her. They don't know this grief. I don't want any pity. So I write because writing works. It helps to vent, even though no one will read it. I did dream of her last night. It was Michelle Day, the annual day ...

What do you want out of this?

I think when we started fostering we were often asked what we wanted. What was our intention? We didn’t want to grow our family. We didn’t have self improvement in mind (although that definitely happened.) For us, we felt like we had a great life and enough of it to share. We just wanted to love someone. I think the only healthy mindset to have while fostering is being prepared to love someone—no matter what. That was our biggest take away. We learned what truly, honestly unconditional love was. What I’m most proud of is the fact that that love has endured. J has been coming around pretty often lately. The day before his 21st birthday he allowed us to take him out to celebrate. This past weekend he brought his girlfriend over and they stayed and played games after dinner. He’s still not “successful.” He didn’t finish high school. He’s not excelling at work. His current landlord is kicking him out at the end of the month and with his work schedule… his future housing situation does...

A Place to Write

Search This Blog