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One hour

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In about an hour I get off work and an hour later I will meet my teenage "son" for the first time. It feels awkward to put quotes around that so I'm stopping that now--you get what I mean though.

I thought I should write down my feelings in this moment. When I first read his description, I was scared. I automatically thought "What if I can't handle it? What if he is too much for me?" Now I'm more calm. Those fears are gone. Replaced by new ones. Not fears about him, fears about myself.

What if he doesn't like me? What if I can't give him what he needs? What if I'm not the person he expected?

I'm a little nervous but mostly excited. Reading the email from his social worker, who told us his reaction to reading our profile, has made me feel really positive. Going into this I went in with the impression that these kids might not be grateful and we were going to have to be ok with that. That's the reality the classes prepare you for. How will you deal with a kid who is all out defiant?

Now we're in a position where we haven't even met him yet and already he has expressed such a strong interest in belonging to us. His excitement gives me permission to be excited. That's a little bit of a relief. Now the question is--how excited is acceptable? How do you deal with a kid who wants to come live with you and wants to be involved right away--but also with a system that doesn't really approve of that?

I made a video for him. I walked through our house with my phone and took a video tour of our home. Is that ok to share with him or is that a little much for the first meeting? Brendon wants to bring him with us to his family reunion next weekend. Is that too much for a second visit or is it just right to want to show him off and introduce him to everyone? I want to get his clothes size so I can start filling his drawers with new clothes. Is that too excited?

We'll go with the flow, of course, and figure things out along the way. That's what we've done the whole time. Wish us luck!

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