Skip to main content

One hour

By
In about an hour I get off work and an hour later I will meet my teenage "son" for the first time. It feels awkward to put quotes around that so I'm stopping that now--you get what I mean though.

I thought I should write down my feelings in this moment. When I first read his description, I was scared. I automatically thought "What if I can't handle it? What if he is too much for me?" Now I'm more calm. Those fears are gone. Replaced by new ones. Not fears about him, fears about myself.

What if he doesn't like me? What if I can't give him what he needs? What if I'm not the person he expected?

I'm a little nervous but mostly excited. Reading the email from his social worker, who told us his reaction to reading our profile, has made me feel really positive. Going into this I went in with the impression that these kids might not be grateful and we were going to have to be ok with that. That's the reality the classes prepare you for. How will you deal with a kid who is all out defiant?

Now we're in a position where we haven't even met him yet and already he has expressed such a strong interest in belonging to us. His excitement gives me permission to be excited. That's a little bit of a relief. Now the question is--how excited is acceptable? How do you deal with a kid who wants to come live with you and wants to be involved right away--but also with a system that doesn't really approve of that?

I made a video for him. I walked through our house with my phone and took a video tour of our home. Is that ok to share with him or is that a little much for the first meeting? Brendon wants to bring him with us to his family reunion next weekend. Is that too much for a second visit or is it just right to want to show him off and introduce him to everyone? I want to get his clothes size so I can start filling his drawers with new clothes. Is that too excited?

We'll go with the flow, of course, and figure things out along the way. That's what we've done the whole time. Wish us luck!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My biggest challenge

By
I’m a writer by trade. I’ve always wanted to be a writer. I love to put my feelings into words. Yet, in the last month, I’ve been having a very difficult time vocalizing what’s happening in my life. It’s not because it’s been sad or difficult or anything like that. It’s mostly because there is someone new in my life who I care very deeply for who I feel this deep need to protect. I want to protect his identity, his story, his life. I don’t want to overstep any boundaries or crush any trust. I recognize the life he has lived has not been easy and so I tread lightly on this relationship we’ve built. But honestly—it’s a fantastic relationship. He’s an amazing kid. I’ve been asked to write a blog post for an organization that helps recruit foster parents about the first few weeks of being a foster parent. I’m having difficulty deciding what to write. I feel like anything I write about my case probably won’t apply to their case so it’s not very helpful. I keep writing drafts and then...
Post a Comment
Read more

Summer time

By
This summer is flying by! I've been taking Kaybree to the same sitter every day since 10 weeks old when I went back to work, Shaunelle Eyestone. You are their 5th kid. But with four kids of her own home all summer and a new baby coming along Shaunelle asked to go to part time this summer. Luckily we have awesome family near by willing to help me out and watch you girls! Grandma Bonnie has been taking you two days a week and says it's the best part of her week. She loves it! She's a substitute teacher during the school year so she has the summer off. She's so sweet to watch you both for free. It's also giving you a chance to get to know John better as Bonnie asks him to help out each day. He's learning more about babies and you're opening up to him more. It's sweet to see. Fridays Aunt Brittany takes the two of you for free. Her kids basically just spoil you both all day. They argue over whose turn it is to hold Eisley and Kaybree basically becomes th...
Post a Comment
Read more

I feel stupid

By
“I don’t feel cared for.” “I feel stupid.” Those are two things I never wanted to hear my kids say but you said both to me this weekend. I had just started the shower and went out into the hallway to search for a clean towel and there you were, in the dark, slumped against the side of the hallway with your head in between your knees. You weren’t crying yet but it was clear things were not OK. I assumed it was another fight with your sister, and maybe it was at first, but when I asked what was wrong that was the response I got. I went back into my bathroom and turned off the water. This would take an extra long hug. I pulled you into my arms and told you I feel stupid all the time. We’re all learning every day and it’s OK. It’s more true for me than I would like to admit. My job right now is hard and there seems to be at least one day each week when I feel like I can’t do anything right. I hate that feeling. I hate even more that my sweet girl is feeling it. So how do we move...
Post a Comment
Read more