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I have a big fear of sharing my writing. I'm not sure why, exactly. I'm an accomplished writer. I've never written a book or anything but I've written hundreds of news articles. I've contributed to opinion columns and blogs.

And yet when I think about making my own blog public I get knots in my stomach. I don't want anyone to judge me. Because a blog to me is so deeply personal. I realize it doesn't have to be but mine is. I wouldn't feel right if it wasn't.

I write to vent. I write to get my thoughts and feelings out of my head. I don't write to share it and yet... I sort of feel guilty when I don't? I just listened to a talk from General Conference about using our gifts. And lately I've been doing a lot of training at work around storytelling. I believe my gift is writing. I believe telling my story is important. I believe somewhere someone might benefit from hearing my story. Yet--I'm afraid to share it.

It's funny because I think if some random stranger came across it on the internet, that would be awesome. But if someone in my neighborhood, who I interact with regularly read it, I would be mortified. I'd feel like I have to live up to match the voice I present in my blog posts. But I don't.

My blog posts are written by me when I am anxious and my heart is pounding and I'm all worked up. The beauty of writing is in those moments I can put it all down, look back and adjust my perspective. I can edit out the parts of me I don't want everyone to see. I can be more positive than I am in person. I can act like all along I knew it would work out.

I guess in some ways I don't want to appear too perfect. Which is funny because I just realized how annoyed I get with J for not living up to his potential. I feel like he hides what he can accomplish. I'm doing the same with my writing. I'm hiding. I'm not sure how to come out of this shell just yet. Maybe when I write something I feel just HAS to be shared.

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