A Place to Write

He's going to have the best and I am going to be the one to give it to him! I'm realizing now that's been my goal with this whole foster care thing. I feel like I'm chalk full of resources so I feel like I'll make an excellent foster parent. I'm needing help convincing myself that all those camps and programs and resources aren't really what J needs from me. We met J last Monday. We went to dinner at Golden Corral--his favorite. We talked pretty casually. He didn't come off as shy or nervous at all. He did come off as very sweet and respectful. I feel like most kids who've been in the foster care system for a long time are extra respectful--because they are use to dealing with a lot of different adults and so they know the proper way to address any adult and they're cautious. They want to be liked. We did like him. We were able to joke with him a little bit. He told us he likes figuring things out and solving technical issues. He's good...

In about an hour I get off work and an hour later I will meet my teenage "son" for the first time. It feels awkward to put quotes around that so I'm stopping that now--you get what I mean though. I thought I should write down my feelings in this moment. When I first read his description, I was scared. I automatically thought "What if I can't handle it? What if he is too much for me?" Now I'm more calm. Those fears are gone. Replaced by new ones. Not fears about him, fears about myself. What if he doesn't like me? What if I can't give him what he needs? What if I'm not the person he expected? I'm a little nervous but mostly excited. Reading the email from his social worker, who told us his reaction to reading our profile, has made me feel really positive. Going into this I went in with the impression that these kids might not be grateful and we were going to have to be ok with that. That's the reality the classes prepare you for....

Tomorrow this sweet baby of mine turns 3! Can't believe my little girl is a three year old! She is also very excited to tell anyone and everyone that she is going to be three. She, like Kaybree has done in the past, is using this new definition of herself as a weapon. Whenever she is excited about doing something or angry about not being able to do something "I'm gonna be three!" is her defense. This year Eisley has asked for a Barbie and a dollhouse for that Barbie. Dollhouse probably isn't happening. Sorry kid, no space in your bedroom for a big Barbie house and definitely not two of them (since these girls can't share anything). I plan to celebrate by taking her to Enchanted Island at Encanto Park tomorrow morning with her cousins and Grandma Duck. Should be a good time. Then later that night she is going to Brittany's house (we've got an adults only dinner with family that night since Grandpa's funeral is Saturday) which ...

We have not met yet. J got his first glimpse of our profile yesterday and we hope to meet next week. His first question was "Can I call you mom and dad if I move in?" A teenager who I have not met has asked if he can call me Mom. The meaning of that word has never been greater. I realize that sounds weird because I've been a mom for more than 4 years. But that's the kind of mom everyone thinks of when you say the word. This new title has new meaning to it. This mothering is different. And I'm at a loss for words.

My Grandpa passed away last week. Grandpa Don. He was 85 and honestly he hasn't been in the best of health for a long time between heart surgeries and controlling his diabetes but it was still a shock. It was a shock mostly because every time he goes into the hospital (which seems to happen every few months) we all have become accustomed to him coming back out just fine. Before Eisley was born I sat down with Grandpa to record some of his memories from his childhood. I never did anything with the notes, although now they are being used to help write his eulogy. It was fascinating, though, because my grandpa is not a typical person. He's lived a typical life, I suppose, but he, himself is just unique. He was raised in Buffalo, New York. His mother was German and his father was the son of immigrants from the UK. His parents were very relaxed with him and allowed him to roam freely. His father was a skilled worker and could, and would, build anything he wanted. He grew up wa...

Ever since we've been licensed I've had quite a few people say to me "I know the perfect kid for you!" They then go on to describe an adorable kid they met who has no behaviors and really needs a family. This has happened several times. So it occurs to me that lots of people know lots of kids who are really great kids and need a home. I will say all the people who have told me about kids are well-versed in foster care and are not currently in a position to foster so while they are aware of the problem, and aware that there are good kids, they are not able to take them. But it makes me wish more people were more educated. If you had met any kid in foster care you would probably think the same thing. You'd realize these are good kids. And they need a home. And you'd think "Someone should give them a home!" We met with J's case worker and social worker last week. We learned all about his background and the fact that he honestly hasn't had ...

Brendon while playing hide and seek with the girls: Where are yooooooou? Here? No... Here? No... Who wants skittles?! Eisley from inside her hiding space: Me! Kaybree drew this picture of herself outside our house with Dudley. I did her hair in two little buns that day so the detail she added just amazed me! Also, Kaybree still doesn't know how to spell her name. She doesn't take correction well from me and I'm afraid if I correct her she'll stop trying. Karyee is close enough anyways! Another of Kaybree's drawings. This is of me, Kaybree, Eisley and her new brother. Eisley called me into the laundry room to see her do this. Add caption Girls now also love riding camels. We'll probably have to do this every time we go to the zoo now. So then we did this. She wanted to close the door. I told her that was not a good idea.