Skip to main content

Attitude

By
There are times when the girls say something with so much attitude and it hits me--they got that from J.

I think when we were originally getting licensed to foster that was a concern. How will this child we bring into our home effect our children? It's why I wanted to foster an older child. I didn't want my kids to feel like they have to compete and honestly I didn't want them hanging out so often that my child's innocence was colored.

I think J has been very respectful of our childrens' innocence and he does his best to keep swear words and things like that out of our home but he's still had an impact on our family. Mostly it's positive. I believe my girls notice people's differences but don't instantly judge a person because of their differences. I like seeing that process. They are more aware of good and bad but also aware of the grey in between and how someone's bad choices don't define them. I feel like I do the same.

But we also have a little more attitude. Eisley has adopted a "Because I can." attitude about a lot of issues. Kaybree is a little more attention seeking. It's mostly due to age but she is particularly excited to get attention from Jose and she typically does it through taunting. I've heard both girls utter meaningless threats that I'm not thrilled with because that's something J does casually.

For me I find myself much more stubborn than I use to be and quite a bit less trusting. When J first came to our home I was amazed how open and honest he was. Even if he was in trouble I felt like we could have an honest conversation about it and move forward. That has changed. The really honest conversations usually come during random late night talks. I can't request an honest conversation, I just have to be aware and available when one is coming my way.

I know now when he's in trouble he can easily lie to my face. He feels no guilt over it. It's an automatic response. I can't argue with it because his lie will only grow and my anger will grow and there will be no solution.

I also don't take excuses well. There's always an excuse with J. Sometimes they seem reasonable but when I've heard the same one 50 times over, it's no longer reasonable. I'm getting much better at holding him accountable. It's painful for me but he has taught me this skill.

I'm running out of time to make an impact on him. It makes each excuse hurt more because I know if there are too many more of these excuses he'll excuse himself right out of my life. I build up this attitude, this stubbornness, this mistrust. I hold him more accountable and more responsible. I have to because pretty soon he's only going to have himself to answer to and I know from personal experience that person can't be counted on.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My biggest challenge

By
I’m a writer by trade. I’ve always wanted to be a writer. I love to put my feelings into words. Yet, in the last month, I’ve been having a very difficult time vocalizing what’s happening in my life. It’s not because it’s been sad or difficult or anything like that. It’s mostly because there is someone new in my life who I care very deeply for who I feel this deep need to protect. I want to protect his identity, his story, his life. I don’t want to overstep any boundaries or crush any trust. I recognize the life he has lived has not been easy and so I tread lightly on this relationship we’ve built. But honestly—it’s a fantastic relationship. He’s an amazing kid. I’ve been asked to write a blog post for an organization that helps recruit foster parents about the first few weeks of being a foster parent. I’m having difficulty deciding what to write. I feel like anything I write about my case probably won’t apply to their case so it’s not very helpful. I keep writing drafts and then...
Post a Comment
Read more

Summer time

By
This summer is flying by! I've been taking Kaybree to the same sitter every day since 10 weeks old when I went back to work, Shaunelle Eyestone. You are their 5th kid. But with four kids of her own home all summer and a new baby coming along Shaunelle asked to go to part time this summer. Luckily we have awesome family near by willing to help me out and watch you girls! Grandma Bonnie has been taking you two days a week and says it's the best part of her week. She loves it! She's a substitute teacher during the school year so she has the summer off. She's so sweet to watch you both for free. It's also giving you a chance to get to know John better as Bonnie asks him to help out each day. He's learning more about babies and you're opening up to him more. It's sweet to see. Fridays Aunt Brittany takes the two of you for free. Her kids basically just spoil you both all day. They argue over whose turn it is to hold Eisley and Kaybree basically becomes th...
Post a Comment
Read more

Jumping to conclusions

By
I think we, as a society, are always prepared to jump to the worst conclusions about kids like J. That includes me.  We recently found out he accepted cigarettes from a friend. Knowing just that, we assumed he smoked them. He swears he didn't smoke them but asked for them so he could give them to another friend--to get him to stop smoking weed. As dumb as that sounds, I believe him. Now. But at first, and I think reasonably so, I didn't. We jumped to the conclusion that he was smoking. We got upset that it felt like he was hiding it from us. He has no idea why we would jump to that conclusion. He doesn't understand that he put himself in that situation. He doesn't understand why we would think he is smoking. He got mad at us for assuming the worst. We did the same thing several days earlier when it was getting late and he wasn't home and also wasn't answering his phone. I thought back to everything we had disagreed about. I feared he had run away. I feared h...
Post a Comment
Read more