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Hope #1

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I got an email from our licensing agency letting me know they've been going through their applicants and may have a child who they think is a good match for us. They don't have many details about his past at this point. (They gave me some hints but that's his story to tell.)

He's a 15-year-old Hispanic boy. He's on some medication. He's been living in a group home for just over a year. He has some siblings who have been adopted. It doesn't sound like he has lived with a family for a long time.

The email actually had a lot of information but it still left a LOT of questions. I think I'll always have a million questions in these situations.

I read it about a hundred times in a row. My mind is blank. I find myself piling up all the reasons it won't work. I find myself feeling guilty for that. I find my heart hurting for the life this boy has lived before. I feel hopeful about the life we could offer him.

I sent it to Brendon. We haven't had a chance to talk in depth about it yet, we just shot some texts back and forth. I asked how he felt and he said "Ready to meet him."

I have a feeling Brendon is going to be my rock throughout this. I don't know when he became so confident about his feelings and about his desire to help these kids but I admire it. I love it.

I told the agency we'd like to know more and set up a meeting. Unfortunately with Brendon's new job he has a few weeks of training that he has to accomplish before his schedule will have some flexibility again. And I'm also scrambling now to find after school programs that will work since it looks like Brendon will be working out in Glendale and won't be home till 7 on a good night and the earliest I can be home is 5.

We'll figure it out. That's what you do for your kids. You figure it out. And this boy could be our kid.

I told Katie some of the details and that it will still be a few weeks till we get more information. She said "At least you'll have a few weeks to decide." I'm not sure what there is to decide. How could we say no?

I talked to my boss, Nancy, about the kids we met last weekend and I expressed my grief of not taking them home--having to say no. She said "You can't un-know. And then you have to come to terms with what you do know and what are you going to do about it?"

I can't un-know. I know this boy wants a family. I know I can provide that. There is nothing to decide. We just have hope.

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