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Still no baby

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I think maybe I have too much confidence in my body and my ability to create life. I thought for sure we'd have no trouble getting pregnant--and then we had a miscarriage. Now I thought for sure Aspen would come when the doctor stripped my membranes but five days later here I am with no baby.

I like to think I could have been more patient if I hadn't been teased with contractions on Thursday and Friday night. They've stopped since. Now I'm convinced she'll come Wednesday afternoon once I can get my membranes stripped again--but what I should be convinced of is I'm not in control and need to take a chill pill.

We started the church's new Come Follow Me curriculum yesterday and Brendon and I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that the first lesson is all about God's timing and waiting for blessings. It was Matthew 1 and Luke 1. The stories of Elizabeth and Mary. The basic lesson is "You're not in control but with God, anything is possible."

It's been hard this weekend to not be depressed. I really was expecting Aspen to come and I've been looking forward to holding her for so long. And it seemed like labor was so close! Mostly I just want to know that she's OK. I want to know she's perfectly healthy and happy. I want to know for sure she's as perfect as Kaybree and Eisley. Of course I also want to get the tough work of labor out of the way and I want to be able to plan for where Kaybree and Eisley will be during the delivery. I want Jose to see the baby is not so creepy. I want Brendon to be able to plan for when he's working and when he's not. I want to stop working and take some time off.

I keep walking around in the middle of the night and talking with Aspen. Telling her how beautiful our house is and how great her sisters are and how she needs to hurry up and get here so she can see it all. Who wouldn't want to hurry up and be born when they can be born into a family like this one?

But for now I'll try to be more patient. She needs more time. I've got a comfy body. OK. I can do this. But seriously, if she's 9 pounds when she's born I'm gonna be annoyed!

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