Skip to main content

Dinner with J

By
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1bTZCovFmqVf3od5QoZXN56SkqjyT5gTt 
I took this photo mid-sword fight tonight. *No one was hit by the broom.
J text me this morning and asked if we had dinner plans. I invited him over and he quickly accepted. He has a new job and has lost some weight. It’s been a while since we caught up.

When we were first gettin licensed Kaybree was 5 and Eisley was 3. We knew we wanted a teenage boy. It seemed like nearly everyone asked us if that was wise. I’ve often reflected on that. 
Yes, teenage boys have hormones. They can be rough and smelly and use bad language. They can also be so fun.

Kaybree and Eisley and even Aspen all look forward to visits from J. Seeing them talk and laugh during dinner tonight made my heart swell.

Sometimes when I talk about our foster experience I feel like I need to add a caveat. Yes—we enjoyed it and we love J BUT we did not save him. He did not graduate high school. He did not choose to live with us until age 21. I am not the only woman he calls “Mom” (although I may be the only “mother”). But I’ve learned that’s NOT what fostering is about. You don’t save a child by keeping them on the path you desire for them. You save them by loving them unconditionally and proving to them that that love is possible. It’s nice to know that even if I failed to show that (although I would argue I did not fail in that regard) that my girls are there to pick up the slack. They love him wholeheartedly. And that is worth risking all the teenage hormones! 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My biggest challenge

By
I’m a writer by trade. I’ve always wanted to be a writer. I love to put my feelings into words. Yet, in the last month, I’ve been having a very difficult time vocalizing what’s happening in my life. It’s not because it’s been sad or difficult or anything like that. It’s mostly because there is someone new in my life who I care very deeply for who I feel this deep need to protect. I want to protect his identity, his story, his life. I don’t want to overstep any boundaries or crush any trust. I recognize the life he has lived has not been easy and so I tread lightly on this relationship we’ve built. But honestly—it’s a fantastic relationship. He’s an amazing kid. I’ve been asked to write a blog post for an organization that helps recruit foster parents about the first few weeks of being a foster parent. I’m having difficulty deciding what to write. I feel like anything I write about my case probably won’t apply to their case so it’s not very helpful. I keep writing drafts and then...
Post a Comment
Read more

It's not okay

By
J warned us weeks ago Easter would not be a happy time. My natural reaction was "It's going to be the best ever if I have anything to say about it!" I started taking special notes of candy he likes. I found a store where I could buy Mexican candy for dirt cheap and filled an Easter basket with all his favorites. All the while I knew, it might not work. Friday with my family went well. Saturday he actually traveled with me for work and we enjoyed playing cards all day and occasionally sharing info about foster care with people who passed by our table. Sunday things were also going well for most of the day. He said church wasn't bad. He liked his candy. He loved dinner. Afterwards we did another Easter egg hunt. I snapped a picture of him. He asked me to stop, and I did. After the Easter egg hunt while all the other kids opened their eggs and explored their treasures he left the crowd and laid in the grass. He told Brendon he was mad at me for taking the picture. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

8

By
Kaybree is 8! Why does time go by so quickly? Even Kaybree thinks it went by too fast. Kaybree, you are amazing. You are a natural caretaker to your sisters. They don't always appreciate it but I do. You know just what to do to make Aspen laugh and you have no problem carrying her around. You never complain when she steals your snacks or makes a mess of whatever you were playing with. Just this morning I was sitting outside with Aspen and you came out with a piece of fruit leather you were eating for breakfast. As soon as Aspen saw you she got a huge grin and reached her hand out for your food and without a word, you gave it to her. You love dressing up and doing your hair. You've been letting it grow out for almost a year now and it's half way down your back, bright blonde and carefully brushed every day by you. Your room is spotless 90% of the time, with the exception of when you let Eisley or Aspen play in there and then you stay up all night cleaning it. You a...
Post a Comment
Read more