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He calls her Ma

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When J moved out in March, I was relieved. Finally I could clean that room the way I wanted to without offending anyone. Finally I could stop being the one to force him to go to his appointments or do his schoolwork. Finally I could stop trying SO hard to make him happy when honestly his version of happy is nicotine.

I always knew I would still love him when he moved out. I just didn't realize how much it would hurt when the love on his side disappeared.

I asked him a long time ago if I would always be mom to him even after he moved out. He emphatically said of course! That will never go away! But it feels like it has. And it hurts.

He's grateful for all we did for him. He says thank you. He came to visit (for 20 minutes) when I asked him to come on Kaybree's birthday. But he has a new mom. This time he calls her Ma. Why does it bother me so much when I see that?

I should be grateful he has someone new caring for him. I should be glad I brought him to this neighborhood so he could meet his community and form his family. I think I would be--if he still considered me part of it.

My boss says it's the same with her bio son. Grass is always greener somewhere else for boys of that age. So is it just my pride that's hurt? I remember when my brother was that age, my mom was the cool mom. He had friends who were excited to talk to her, even though they were not her son. Maybe I am still a mother, I'm just not the cool mom.

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