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The hardest part

The hardest part of foster care has not been the medical appointments, the overwhelmed system, the biological family, or even the teenage angst. The hardest part for me, has been witnessing a child who has lost all hope that the world is good and happy and knowing there is very little I can do to change that perception.

We had a lesson in Young Women's yesterday about the family. We read the Family Proclamation and we were asked why the family was important. I think I did a terrible job of sharing my response because I could hardly breath through my ugly cry (serious pregnancy issues) but it really hit me how important our families are and the damage that is caused when families are not cherished.

We are placed in families because we need each other. We learn from each other. When I'm at my wits end, I need Brendon to step in and save the day. Otherwise my anger may boil over and my kids may experience a side of me I never want them to see. When I can't make a decision, I need his input. Otherwise I may feel a lack of hope and an increase of stress.  When I can't find a solution, I need someone I can trust to brainstorm with me.  Otherwise I may find other ways to cope that aren't healthy.

Kids love their parents and I believe they're natural problem solvers as well. So imagine being a child and seeing all that stress piling up on the person you love and being helpless to stop it. You might blame yourself. You might blame the rules and laws society has put in place. You might just blame the world. And that blame sticks. And it hurts. And with no other path to follow, the hurt continues in the next generation.

Families are important because kids are important and kids need good, solid examples. They need solid foundations to grow from.
I'm not saying if a child doesn't have a solid foundation they are lost forever. They can build their own foundation at any time. It's just not fair that they have to. And for me, who came from a solid foundation (not ideal, but solid) I see that child struggling to find their own footing and my heart breaks. It shouldn't be that way! The empathy they need to be successful should be given to them but I realize we learn that empathy first and foremost from our families. When my mom responds to my tears it teaches me to pay attention to the tears of others. When my mom selflessly shares with me, I learn to share with others. When my parents laugh or smile, I copy that emotion as well.

The hardest part of fostering is that the tough lessons have already been taught. When mom and dad yelled, child learned that. When mom and dad struggled, child learned that. When mom and dad found ways to cope, child learned that. And even when the child has learned, from society, that that was all bad, it's not all bad. It's hard to separate that. That's the hardest part.

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