Skip to main content

Not my year

By

The funny thing about a miscarriage is how it continues to haunt you. For at least 9 months and probably longer.

A coworker announced she's pregnant. Fifteen weeks. Due in September. And my first thought was "Me too!" And then I realized how awkward it would be to say that. And then I realized how jealous i am of her healthy pregnancy.

And then I realized how much I've mentally prepared for every mile stone. So I'm going to remember all those things. I'm going to notice in May when I don't get to find out the gender. I'm going to notice this summer when I don't have a pregnant belly to show off. I'm going to notice in September when no baby comes. I'm going to notice in October when I don't have maternity leave.

This week I flew to Boston for a work trip. My miscarriage happened naturally and I felt relieved and ready to move forward. I booked a B&B and a flight for Brendon to come join me. It was going to be our anniversary celebration.

But tonight I'm sitting alone in my hotel room. A blizzard is supposed to be hitting right now and lasting all day. All flights in and out are cancelled. Brendon isn't coming and I can't get home. This month sucks.

I usually write because it helps clear my head. I reflect and I find the good and I can relax. There's not really an upside to this situation. I just feel piled on. We had an amazing trip in January and it's been downhill since.

We are strong as a couple--life just sucks. It's out of our control. I miss him. And my girls. And J. I'll be home soon. I love you!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Funny quotes

By
Kaybree: Yesterday I went to the farm with Amy and Tess and we saw baby goats! Me: Cool! Kaybree: Yeah, they were so cute. For Christmas, will you get me two baby goats? Me: Haha, no. Kaybree: Amy said you would! We love Vertuccio farms. We always get a season pass. You're not allowed to go with Amy anymore. We traded in all of your Halloween candy for some cash and went to Target and bought Shopkins. It was awesome! Apparently all the Shopkins have names so we sat around looking at all the Shopkins and looking up their names. This particular group fit a sports theme and came with a locker to keep them in. The locker has a face but it's not an actual Shopkins so it does not have a name. I told you this and you said "Why didn't Jesus give him a name?!" I laughed for a long time. Added Nov. 16: I felt bad originally posting this because I didn't have any quotes from Eisley. It's not that you're not funny too, you just usually make...
Post a Comment
Read more

Advice for my girls

By Brendon
So I have never written on this blog before, but I feel like I should start doing so. Girls, I don't know if you will ever read any of this, but I hope you do, so that you can see how much your mother and I love you. Mom always talks about you, so I am going to talk about her today and I hope you use the advice I am about to give you to help you know how to be a great mother and wife. This past week, mom and I decided to start carpooling together. We realized that we work pretty close to each other and we were wasting gas by driving separately, so why not cut our gas bill in half and drive together?! It has only been 3 days, but it has been such a great 3 days so far. I am working an hour longer each day than I should be, but it has been so worth it. The reason it is, is because we get to talk to each other. I love talking to your mom. She is filled with wonderful ideas and thoughts. She is passionate, loving, kind and gracious. All these amazing attributes come out even more whe...
Post a Comment
Read more

The cycle

By
I'm stuck with this constant decision: Give a punishment even though I know it won't work or ignore the problem completely even though I know the result will not be good. It's always about school. For whatever reason you seem to give up when it comes to school. When asked, you are fully committed. But when a challenge comes up, like a teacher you don't quite connect with, you give up. You decide to sleep instead of work. You know it's a mistake. You know you have already failed enough classes to require you to take an additional year of high school (at least). And yet, any time I offer assistance you act like I have no trust in you and you push me away. I don't have any trust when it comes to your school work. You haven't earned it. But I still have hope. I believe you have the capacity. I believe if you apply yourself you could go far. But you don't. And I can't make you. Yesterday you were sent home from school for sleeping in class and giving a...
Post a Comment
Read more