A Place to Write

I woke up Thursday feeling anxious and ready. I'd been waiting since Saturday for another appointment and it was finally time. Brendon and I drove separately because I had to go directly to work after. We hit construction on Elliot and had to flip around to get on the freeway, delaying us a few minutes. As soon as I got on the 60 I saw the sign for a huge accident, freeway blocked. I pulled off the freeway and text Brendon but it was too late. He was stuck. He spent 50 minutes stuck behind the accident and I was 15 minutes late for my appointment. As if the day wasn't bad enough. I came into the office fighting back tears but they allowed me to sign in and take a seat. I'd have to go through with the appointment without Brendon. Then Dr. Holmes got called out to deliver a baby. It would be a couple hours before he returned. I told them I'd wait. I had no choice. I had to know. The long wait gave Brendon a chance to get through traffic and when Dr. Holmes finally ret...

"Do you see that?" Dr. Holmes pointed to a tiny white spot on the ultrasound screen. If he moved the machine just so you could see that tiny spot flicker. It was a miracle. A miracle because just a moment earlier we had been talking about my options for miscarriage. Let it happen naturally, or get what's called a D and C. And then Dr. Holmes changed his mind. I started spotting the night before Valentine's Day. So as you can imagine, our Valentines was full of magic this year. If you enjoy continuously calling the doctor and crying uncontrollably, that is. He couldn't get me in but sent me to get my blood drawn. I was told two days later they'd check the blood again and see if it had changed the way it was supposed to. It didn't. I got the call from Dr. Holmes on Saturday. My level should have reached 12,000 but it was only at 8500. Not a crystal clear miscarriage--but it was likely. So we went in for an ultrasound. The traditional ultrasound on the st...

It's after 11 and I'm sitting in the dark, listening for the sounds of skateboard wheels on the road outside. I was asleep. I'm very tired. But here I am. I'm not sure why I'm sitting here. I had a fine day and no trouble falling asleep when my head hit the pillow at 10. But I know it's been a rough day for you. You lost some friends and accidentally took it out on others. You don't know who among your circle to trust right now. It has nothing to do with me. You didn't even sound upset when I spoke to you on the phone. But I worry. So here I am. You told me you're spending the night with a friend. This is a usual occurrence and I have no problem with it. I'm not sitting here because I think you're lying or in any danger. I'm sitting here just in case you stop by and feel the need to unload your thoughts. I'm sitting here so I can remind you that your feelings are legitimate and ok. I'm sitting here just in case you want to tal...