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Safe

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You thought the question was stupid. It was hidden among 50 questions in a survey meant to determine which life skills you could use help developing. "Do you know how to clean a bathroom?" "Do you know how to fill out a job application?" "Do you ever get picked on at school or online?"

"Do you have a place where you can go to feel safe?"

"I've never not felt safe. So what does that mean?"

While this may seem like tough-guy language, to me, it's a problem. Because safety is more than "I'm tough/strong/brave/capable enough to protect myself in any situation." Safety is comfort. It's a place free from worries.

If you had never felt unsafe you wouldn't have PTSD flashbacks when you hear loud noises that are so bad you can't see and can hardly talk. If you had never felt unsafe you wouldn't worry so much about being on time that you forget to fall asleep or arrive hours early. If you had never felt unsafe you wouldn't be struggling in school while teachers are constantly trying to adjust to meet your needs. If you had never felt unsafe your stomach wouldn't hurt so bad and your body wouldn't have so much trouble with all the foods you say you can't eat. If you had never felt unsafe you wouldn't be so quick to defend yourself.

You don't believe me. So I won't say anything.

I'll just continue to give safety. Hopefully you get use to not worrying about whether or not there's food to eat. Hopefully you know you can tell me anything. Hopefully you know even when I get mad that we can both take a second and calm down and come back to talking. Hopefully you know our family is here--always. Hopefully you know I love you. Hopefully you know that even though you don't need protection--I'm going to give it to you. Because this is safety.

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