Skip to main content

Safe

By
You thought the question was stupid. It was hidden among 50 questions in a survey meant to determine which life skills you could use help developing. "Do you know how to clean a bathroom?" "Do you know how to fill out a job application?" "Do you ever get picked on at school or online?"

"Do you have a place where you can go to feel safe?"

"I've never not felt safe. So what does that mean?"

While this may seem like tough-guy language, to me, it's a problem. Because safety is more than "I'm tough/strong/brave/capable enough to protect myself in any situation." Safety is comfort. It's a place free from worries.

If you had never felt unsafe you wouldn't have PTSD flashbacks when you hear loud noises that are so bad you can't see and can hardly talk. If you had never felt unsafe you wouldn't worry so much about being on time that you forget to fall asleep or arrive hours early. If you had never felt unsafe you wouldn't be struggling in school while teachers are constantly trying to adjust to meet your needs. If you had never felt unsafe your stomach wouldn't hurt so bad and your body wouldn't have so much trouble with all the foods you say you can't eat. If you had never felt unsafe you wouldn't be so quick to defend yourself.

You don't believe me. So I won't say anything.

I'll just continue to give safety. Hopefully you get use to not worrying about whether or not there's food to eat. Hopefully you know you can tell me anything. Hopefully you know even when I get mad that we can both take a second and calm down and come back to talking. Hopefully you know our family is here--always. Hopefully you know I love you. Hopefully you know that even though you don't need protection--I'm going to give it to you. Because this is safety.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My biggest challenge

By
I’m a writer by trade. I’ve always wanted to be a writer. I love to put my feelings into words. Yet, in the last month, I’ve been having a very difficult time vocalizing what’s happening in my life. It’s not because it’s been sad or difficult or anything like that. It’s mostly because there is someone new in my life who I care very deeply for who I feel this deep need to protect. I want to protect his identity, his story, his life. I don’t want to overstep any boundaries or crush any trust. I recognize the life he has lived has not been easy and so I tread lightly on this relationship we’ve built. But honestly—it’s a fantastic relationship. He’s an amazing kid. I’ve been asked to write a blog post for an organization that helps recruit foster parents about the first few weeks of being a foster parent. I’m having difficulty deciding what to write. I feel like anything I write about my case probably won’t apply to their case so it’s not very helpful. I keep writing drafts and then...
Post a Comment
Read more

Summer time

By
This summer is flying by! I've been taking Kaybree to the same sitter every day since 10 weeks old when I went back to work, Shaunelle Eyestone. You are their 5th kid. But with four kids of her own home all summer and a new baby coming along Shaunelle asked to go to part time this summer. Luckily we have awesome family near by willing to help me out and watch you girls! Grandma Bonnie has been taking you two days a week and says it's the best part of her week. She loves it! She's a substitute teacher during the school year so she has the summer off. She's so sweet to watch you both for free. It's also giving you a chance to get to know John better as Bonnie asks him to help out each day. He's learning more about babies and you're opening up to him more. It's sweet to see. Fridays Aunt Brittany takes the two of you for free. Her kids basically just spoil you both all day. They argue over whose turn it is to hold Eisley and Kaybree basically becomes th...
Post a Comment
Read more

Jumping to conclusions

By
I think we, as a society, are always prepared to jump to the worst conclusions about kids like J. That includes me.  We recently found out he accepted cigarettes from a friend. Knowing just that, we assumed he smoked them. He swears he didn't smoke them but asked for them so he could give them to another friend--to get him to stop smoking weed. As dumb as that sounds, I believe him. Now. But at first, and I think reasonably so, I didn't. We jumped to the conclusion that he was smoking. We got upset that it felt like he was hiding it from us. He has no idea why we would jump to that conclusion. He doesn't understand that he put himself in that situation. He doesn't understand why we would think he is smoking. He got mad at us for assuming the worst. We did the same thing several days earlier when it was getting late and he wasn't home and also wasn't answering his phone. I thought back to everything we had disagreed about. I feared he had run away. I feared h...
Post a Comment
Read more