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We're not those people

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We're hearing it more and more lately: "Thank goodness for people like you!" "I so admire you." "You guys are so amazing."

Brendon was told that just yesterday and he finally answered very bluntly, "No--We're not."

I've read it on several blogs and articles titled "What not to say to foster parents." but it's still a cliche that continues. Anyone we talk to about us becoming foster parents seems to end the conversation with "Well, you guys are so giving." or something along those lines. Thing is, we're not.

We both have empathy. We do what we can. If someone asks for something or mentions a need, we try to fill it. But do I consider us to be these great, giving, selfless people? No, we're not.

We avoid babysitting other people's kids. We often skip our turn cleaning the church. We don't donate to any causes or make any calls to the legislature for any reason. I'm not a part of the parent group at my kid's school. If I see someone struggling to change a tire on the side of the road, I keep driving. If I'm walking somewhere and see some trash, I leave it. If I see a dog roaming the neighborhood I make very minimal efforts to capture it. I never sign up to volunteer at charity runs or events like that. Lots of times I hear about a need and think "I can help with that!" and then I forget and forget and forget until it's not an issue anymore.

I didn't become a foster parent because I'm so giving and selfless and wonderful and this was the next big wonderful thing I could do to make the world a better place. I did it because this whole child welfare system is not fair. It's not fair that I've had loving and supportive parents and J has none.  Humility and charity are not driving me.

This whole process has just felt natural. We've been nervous and excited--but it just feels good. We just feel ready. As crazy as this thing is that we are doing--it doesn't feel crazy. It doesn't feel miraculous. It doesn't feel like we're super heroes.

I asked J yesterday why he wanted to be in a family. He told me family is something he's never had before. He's lived in group homes his whole life and he's tired of it. He really wants to know what a family is like. Doesn't take a super hero to take action when a kid tells you that.

He's moving in full time next weekend. So far we've only had him on the weekends so having him with us day in and day out and getting him to and from school will present all new challenges for us. But we're ready!

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