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Paranoia

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He closes up just a little bit when we interact with his social worker, or his education specialist, or his counselor at school or when anyone mentions his grades. Yet at home he's already asking if he can change his name to ours and when he can get a car and a job and he's snuggling with his little sisters whenever they request it.

In any other case those are totally fine, normal kid behaviors--yet I find myself looking up all the services, techniques and trainings I can get my hands on to prepare myself to better handle these things. Is he attaching to us too quickly for it to be sustainable? Is he not being as real with us as I think? Is he avoiding the difficult things in his life, like school? Does he not handle authority figures well?

It's very difficult for me to tell, right now, what's beyond normal and what's all in my head because my head is so full of trauma training and foster care awareness. Part of me feels like it's not fair to him. Part of me feels like it's good for me to be this cautious with everything.

Most of me just wants to believe, and wants everyone else in the world to believe, that all is well. That he is as wonderful as he appears to be right now. That we are going to change his life. That we are going to give him the very best he has ever had. The knowledge that I cannot control the future, scares me. Kinda wish I could stay home with him always and always be there to meet his every need. I felt the same about my own kids back when they were brand new in my world. Guess that's normal.

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