Skip to main content

Paranoia

He closes up just a little bit when we interact with his social worker, or his education specialist, or his counselor at school or when anyone mentions his grades. Yet at home he's already asking if he can change his name to ours and when he can get a car and a job and he's snuggling with his little sisters whenever they request it.

In any other case those are totally fine, normal kid behaviors--yet I find myself looking up all the services, techniques and trainings I can get my hands on to prepare myself to better handle these things. Is he attaching to us too quickly for it to be sustainable? Is he not being as real with us as I think? Is he avoiding the difficult things in his life, like school? Does he not handle authority figures well?

It's very difficult for me to tell, right now, what's beyond normal and what's all in my head because my head is so full of trauma training and foster care awareness. Part of me feels like it's not fair to him. Part of me feels like it's good for me to be this cautious with everything.

Most of me just wants to believe, and wants everyone else in the world to believe, that all is well. That he is as wonderful as he appears to be right now. That we are going to change his life. That we are going to give him the very best he has ever had. The knowledge that I cannot control the future, scares me. Kinda wish I could stay home with him always and always be there to meet his every need. I felt the same about my own kids back when they were brand new in my world. Guess that's normal.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Grief

 Grief is such a weird thing. Why does a death have to hurt even 16 years after it happened? Why does it hurt at all if it's such a part of life? And when it does hurt it just feels silly. I can't shut my life down every time it hits. Life doesn't work like that. It never has.  Life has continued in the past 16 years. It's completely different now. It's a life she never experienced. It's a life she wasn't a part of (to no fault of her own!) So why does it still hurt? And when it does hurt why does it hit like a ton of bricks? Why can't I stop the tears from coming?  How are you supposed to act when someone is grieving? I don't know, and that's why I hide it from my husband and kids. Because they can't understand. They never knew her. They don't know this grief. I don't want any pity.  So I write because writing works. It helps to vent, even though no one will read it. I did dream of her last night. It was Michelle Day, the annual day ...

What do you want out of this?

I think when we started fostering we were often asked what we wanted. What was our intention? We didn’t want to grow our family. We didn’t have self improvement in mind (although that definitely happened.) For us, we felt like we had a great life and enough of it to share. We just wanted to love someone. I think the only healthy mindset to have while fostering is being prepared to love someone—no matter what. That was our biggest take away. We learned what truly, honestly unconditional love was.  What I’m most proud of is the fact that that love has endured. J has been coming around pretty often lately. The day before his 21st birthday he allowed us to take him out to celebrate. This past weekend he brought his girlfriend over and they stayed and played games after dinner. He’s still not “successful.” He didn’t finish high school. He’s not excelling at work. His current landlord is kicking him out at the end of the month and with his work schedule… his future housing situation does...