Do what you can

I'm feeling depressed tonight and when I feel that way it's time to write. Today Brendon and I volunteered with Foster Arizona. We acted as guides to 10 kids in foster care as they explored Wildlife World Zoo and Aquarium.

We were randomly assigned to a group of kids. They were a group of older boys and then two teenage girls from a separate group home. There was also one adorable six year old boy. The main group of boys live in a group home for "at risk" and LGBT youth. That means they are kids with "behaviors" that no family has been comfortable with.

We had a great day with the boys. They listened well, were patient when they needed to be and they all seemed to be enjoying each thing they experienced at the zoo. They were eager to be there and they enjoyed being together.

And they were like that all day, yet, I'm feeling depressed tonight. Because I met a great group of kids and I still know they are highly likely to turn 18 without having found a permanent family.

One boy in particular, who identifies as a girl, went on a ride with Brendon and when he mentioned we had just gotten licensed she didn't hesitate to ask if we would take her. By the end of our time together she had told all the group home staff that she wanted to go live with us. Imagine that. This is a 15 year old who has spent time in juvie, who was removed from her home for who knows what reason and (we found out through her conversation with Brendon) has a good working knowledge of pornography. She had just met us and yet was excited to come and live with us.

She told me she hates living in a group home with so many other kids.

We cannot take that girl home. All the group home staff warned us that she has extreme behaviors. (Which was really sad to hear from them too.) I cannot risk exposing my girls to those behaviors. I hate admitting that. But if I did not have kids right now I would take her home in a heartbeat. Because I know she is exactly the kind of kid that is going to age out of the system. She is not going to get a family. And that's not fair.

I left with the profound impression that every child in that group was likely to age out of the system. Some were on the autism spectrum. One was 17 already. Then there was that girl. They all want a family. They are eager for a family. For some stabilty.

When we shared these thoughts with Katie and Robert, Robert did his best to comfort us by saying you just have to remember you do what you can, where you can. It was a good day of service. The kids had fun. I have to take comfort in that. But I may always be haunted by those kids we can't help.