Grief is such a weird thing. Why does a death have to hurt even 16 years after it happened? Why does it hurt at all if it's such a part of life? And when it does hurt it just feels silly. I can't shut my life down every time it hits. Life doesn't work like that. It never has. Life has continued in the past 16 years. It's completely different now. It's a life she never experienced. It's a life she wasn't a part of (to no fault of her own!) So why does it still hurt? And when it does hurt why does it hit like a ton of bricks? Why can't I stop the tears from coming? How are you supposed to act when someone is grieving? I don't know, and that's why I hide it from my husband and kids. Because they can't understand. They never knew her. They don't know this grief. I don't want any pity. So I write because writing works. It helps to vent, even though no one will read it. I did dream of her last night. It was Michelle Day, the annual day
I've been terrible at using this blog lately. Life is just changing so quickly. I'm busy all the time and at the same time I'm not stressed enough to need my normal writing outlet. But with so many changes, I need to get better about recording what is happening. The first big change is I came back to work at Child Crisis Arizona. I noticed in April that leadership had changed. I reached out to an old coworker to see how the change was impacting everyone and the next thing I knew, I was getting a job offer. My old position had been filled (I had been gone a full year) and a new Director of Marketing position had recently been created and hired but Justin was eager to bring me back in whatever capacity he could so another new marketing position was created--with my input. Yes, I got the chance to create my own position and go back to work at an organization that inspires me every day. I couldn't pass it up. I love everything about my job. I get to hear incredible stories