A Place to Write

Kaybree is 8! Why does time go by so quickly? Even Kaybree thinks it went by too fast. Kaybree, you are amazing. You are a natural caretaker to your sisters. They don't always appreciate it but I do. You know just what to do to make Aspen laugh and you have no problem carrying her around. You never complain when she steals your snacks or makes a mess of whatever you were playing with. Just this morning I was sitting outside with Aspen and you came out with a piece of fruit leather you were eating for breakfast. As soon as Aspen saw you she got a huge grin and reached her hand out for your food and without a word, you gave it to her. You love dressing up and doing your hair. You've been letting it grow out for almost a year now and it's half way down your back, bright blonde and carefully brushed every day by you. Your room is spotless 90% of the time, with the exception of when you let Eisley or Aspen play in there and then you stay up all night cleaning it. You a...

I am not very good at writing on this blog. This is something your mom is really good at. But since today is Father's Day and yesterday was your baptism, I thought I'd write down some memories of yesterday before I forget. This is the best Father's Day present I could have asked for. My first Father's Day, you were in the hospital with mom. This is something I couldn't wait to do for 8 years! Kaybree, you were so excited yet also really nervous about your baptism. I am not sure why you were nervous other than you saying that you didn't like everyone watching you. But you looked so beautiful in your white dress with your purple glasses and still slightly dyed red hair. We got to the church building early and you quickly changed in to your jumpsuit, before we could take pictures. We sat in the front row next to Brodie and Jonathon. Brodie, thankfully, took a bunch of photos of us as we waited to enter the water. I had my arm around you and you held my hand. They...

When J moved out in March, I was relieved. Finally I could clean that room the way I wanted to without offending anyone. Finally I could stop being the one to force him to go to his appointments or do his schoolwork. Finally I could stop trying SO hard to make him happy when honestly his version of happy is nicotine. I always knew I would still love him when he moved out. I just didn't realize how much it would hurt when the love on his side disappeared. I asked him a long time ago if I would always be mom to him even after he moved out. He emphatically said of course! That will never go away! But it feels like it has. And it hurts. He's grateful for all we did for him. He says thank you. He came to visit (for 20 minutes) when I asked him to come on Kaybree's birthday. But he has a new mom. This time he calls her Ma. Why does it bother me so much when I see that? I should be grateful he has someone new caring for him. I should be glad I brought him to this neighborh...