I can't eat my lunch right now because I'm too worked up. So I have to write.
I just got off the phone with J's teacher. His school is a block schedule so he only has two teachers/classes at a time. She expressed to me her concern because J is failing her class. He's been blowing off a big project when he had more than enough time to work on it. If he had turned it in, he'd be passing the class. He could still turn it in and pass the class--if he's motivated to do that.
Beyond that he's rude and disrespectful and swears a lot and doesn't seem to care what others think of him. I know that's preached as a good thing to most kids but trust me--it's not. When a teacher asks you if you want to join the baseball team and your response is "No I don't want to do that. You bug me." there's a problem. When you show up to school with a comforter instead of a jacket even though you have jackets at home--there's a problem with that.
And I know everyone is going to tell me "You just have to give him more structure. Take away a few more privileges." But seriously--what is that accomplishing?! Punishments do not work for him. He had all his privileges taken away at his last school. Did it help him pass his classes? No. Did it drive me crazy? Yes.
Brendon and I have been watching "A Million Little Things." It's a really good show. In the episode last night one of the characters was struggling because she felt like she should have done more to help her depressed brother. But there was nothing she could have done. And it haunts her. I feel like I will forever be haunted in the same way. There is nothing I can do. His actions are out of my hands.
Yes, right now I'm the parent. For one more year I have that job. And I don't want to spend it taking everything away. I want to spend it giving all the loving advice and encouragement I can. I want to spend it building trust. I want to spend it filling every need so when he looks back he can never point out anything I didn't do to help him. Despite what it may look like--I'm doing the best I can. It will just never be enough. Somehow a parent is supposed to live with that.
I just got off the phone with J's teacher. His school is a block schedule so he only has two teachers/classes at a time. She expressed to me her concern because J is failing her class. He's been blowing off a big project when he had more than enough time to work on it. If he had turned it in, he'd be passing the class. He could still turn it in and pass the class--if he's motivated to do that.
Beyond that he's rude and disrespectful and swears a lot and doesn't seem to care what others think of him. I know that's preached as a good thing to most kids but trust me--it's not. When a teacher asks you if you want to join the baseball team and your response is "No I don't want to do that. You bug me." there's a problem. When you show up to school with a comforter instead of a jacket even though you have jackets at home--there's a problem with that.
And I know everyone is going to tell me "You just have to give him more structure. Take away a few more privileges." But seriously--what is that accomplishing?! Punishments do not work for him. He had all his privileges taken away at his last school. Did it help him pass his classes? No. Did it drive me crazy? Yes.
Brendon and I have been watching "A Million Little Things." It's a really good show. In the episode last night one of the characters was struggling because she felt like she should have done more to help her depressed brother. But there was nothing she could have done. And it haunts her. I feel like I will forever be haunted in the same way. There is nothing I can do. His actions are out of my hands.
Yes, right now I'm the parent. For one more year I have that job. And I don't want to spend it taking everything away. I want to spend it giving all the loving advice and encouragement I can. I want to spend it building trust. I want to spend it filling every need so when he looks back he can never point out anything I didn't do to help him. Despite what it may look like--I'm doing the best I can. It will just never be enough. Somehow a parent is supposed to live with that.
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