A Place to Write

He closes up just a little bit when we interact with his social worker, or his education specialist, or his counselor at school or when anyone mentions his grades. Yet at home he's already asking if he can change his name to ours and when he can get a car and a job and he's snuggling with his little sisters whenever they request it. In any other case those are totally fine, normal kid behaviors--yet I find myself looking up all the services, techniques and trainings I can get my hands on to prepare myself to better handle these things. Is he attaching to us too quickly for it to be sustainable? Is he not being as real with us as I think? Is he avoiding the difficult things in his life, like school? Does he not handle authority figures well? It's very difficult for me to tell, right now, what's beyond normal and what's all in my head because my head is so full of trauma training and foster care awareness. Part of me feels like it's not fair to him. Part of me ...

We're hearing it more and more lately: "Thank goodness for people like you!" "I so admire you." "You guys are so amazing." Brendon was told that just yesterday and he finally answered very bluntly, "No--We're not." I've read it on several blogs and articles titled "What not to say to foster parents." but it's still a cliche that continues. Anyone we talk to about us becoming foster parents seems to end the conversation with "Well, you guys are so giving." or something along those lines. Thing is, we're not. We both have empathy. We do what we can. If someone asks for something or mentions a need, we try to fill it. But do I consider us to be these great, giving, selfless people? No, we're not. We avoid babysitting other people's kids. We often skip our turn cleaning the church. We don't donate to any causes or make any calls to the legislature for any reason. I'm not a part of the pa...

Foster kids get a bad rap. Even among people who are huge advocates for kids in foster care--they still warn you about everything. I know it's because as much as they've seen the good, they've also seen and heard the horror stories. Everyone just wants to be cautious. And I am. But I'm also kind of tired of being reminded. Bently approved. J has spent the night once and this weekend he'll probably spend the night again. We've submitted paperwork to make the move official and we think it'll happen the week after spring break. It's in the courts' hands. But this week we got a call from the social worker just reminding us again to keep an eye on him. The reason? Someone saw him say something dirty to a friend on Facebook once. WHAT?! A TEENAGE BOY SAID SOMETHING ENTIRELY INAPPROPRIATE TO ANOTHER TEENAGE BOY?!!? That kid must be a sexualized psycho! Or not. Look, I'm not about to leave J home alone with my two very little girls or even ...