Coming back to work was not easy this time. You'd think it would be. Amy and Barbara are watching the girls for me so it's not like I don't have awesome support at home. It's my third kid so it's not like I haven't done this before. But maybe it's because it's been a while since I've had a baby? Maybe it's because I know so much more about child development now?
I feel like Eisley and Kaybree were so close that when I went back to work after having Eisley (at 6 weeks) I was leaving my baby, yes, but I already had a baby I'd been away from. Both girls were young. Both girls were in constant need of attention. And I had to leave.
With Aspen, I look at her each morning and think "But you're so little!"
I've been watching you progress and the progression happens so quickly when you are so little. You just started smiling on purpose and often. Your head is finally strong enough for regular tummy time. You just started demanding to be held facing out so you can see the world. And I feel like I'm really someone to you now. I feel like you recognize me and have learned me--and now I'm leaving you. And that sucks.
Every night when I come home I try to catch your eyes so you can see me and know I'm back. I always come back. (Maybe this was a bad idea to write this at the office. Stupid tears.)
I've never had a problem before. Kaybree and Eisley never forgot me. We're still cool. I'm sure you'll love me just the same too. It's just hard.
So I want you to know I'm searching high and low for work from home and freelance jobs. I'm also looking for anything closer to home to cut down my commute time. I want so badly to be there with you all. It's been so nice these past 8 weeks whenever I get a call from the school for Kaybree, I can be there in 5 minutes. We even came for lunch a few times. When Eisley wants to do something fun, I could do it. When J got in trouble again, I was there.
Here are a few things I learned about each of you while on maternity leave:
J: You have a honeymoon period for just about everything in life. Relationships, jobs, responsibility with a car. You're always waiting for the other shoe to drop and inevitably it always does. It's not a conscious thing, it just happens. We passed my old car down to you. For the most part you've done fine with it. You did get a speeding ticket and a flat tire within the first week of having it. And more recently you used it when you weren't supposed to and it ended up causing you to be kicked out of school. But it's funny the way you get into so much trouble without being trouble. All these silly mistakes pile up and give you a bad rap--but you're not a bad kid. You make time for people when they need you and you're a master of distraction. You've been great at cheering Kaybree up when she feels ignored. You also admitted, once Aspen smiled at you, that she was OK. You still won't let me take a picture of you holding her.
Kaybree: You get anxiety like your dad. I got many calls while I was at home from you in the nurse's office complaining of a stomach ache. You don't get those at home with me. I had to make up a rule that if you haven't vomited, had diarrhea, or had a fever I cannot pick you up from school. You were the most excited for Aspen in the beginning but you've had the toughest adjustment--mostly because you go to school while Eisley gets to stay home. Your emotions are all over the place but when you get one on one attention you are sweeter than ever. You are the best little mommy ever. you even change poopy diapers. First thing in the morning you're asking if you can hold Aspen. You love to read to her. You are the best oldest child a parent could ask for!
Eisley: You are loving taking on new responsibility as a big sister. You weren't too excited at the beginning (excited, just not TOO excited) but you're really getting into it now. You loved staying home with me. I regret that I never did find a good schedule for us so most of your days were spent watching endless TV, with occasional breaks for Barbies and eating. You recently had a 5 year check up and you told the doctor your favorite food is "candy." Major sugar addiction going on here... You are still our little goofball. You are so easy going which has been a huge blessing for me. You're up for going out or staying in, playing with me or playing by yourself, holding Aspen or waiting till later. You just chill. You know I need a helper and you're willing to do it. You also say "I love you!" about 20 times throughout the day. It gets annoying sometimes because you demand that I say it back ASAP--but thank you. I need it.
Aspen: You are a chubby little girl. 99th percentile for height and head circumference, 76th for weight. You're finally smiling on purpose and it is freaking adorable! You have not rolled over yet or gotten the hang of sleeping. You nap for exactly one hour at a time, no longer. You do take 4-5 naps per day but it always makes me laugh that it is exactly an hour. At night you've slept for 6 hours 3 times but otherwise you are up every 2-3 hours. You don't stay up once you're fed, but you do wake up often. We'll work on that. Since we stopped formula completely you've gotten much more comfortable. You spit up a little here and there but nothing major. You don't mind tummy time for the first 5-10 minutes. You're starting to coo more which is great. You love to see the world so your favorite position when you are awake is in someone's lap, facing out. You like to be held and prefer it over the bouncer. You've changed our lives and we all love you so much!
I feel like Eisley and Kaybree were so close that when I went back to work after having Eisley (at 6 weeks) I was leaving my baby, yes, but I already had a baby I'd been away from. Both girls were young. Both girls were in constant need of attention. And I had to leave.
With Aspen, I look at her each morning and think "But you're so little!"
I've been watching you progress and the progression happens so quickly when you are so little. You just started smiling on purpose and often. Your head is finally strong enough for regular tummy time. You just started demanding to be held facing out so you can see the world. And I feel like I'm really someone to you now. I feel like you recognize me and have learned me--and now I'm leaving you. And that sucks.
Every night when I come home I try to catch your eyes so you can see me and know I'm back. I always come back. (Maybe this was a bad idea to write this at the office. Stupid tears.)
I've never had a problem before. Kaybree and Eisley never forgot me. We're still cool. I'm sure you'll love me just the same too. It's just hard.
So I want you to know I'm searching high and low for work from home and freelance jobs. I'm also looking for anything closer to home to cut down my commute time. I want so badly to be there with you all. It's been so nice these past 8 weeks whenever I get a call from the school for Kaybree, I can be there in 5 minutes. We even came for lunch a few times. When Eisley wants to do something fun, I could do it. When J got in trouble again, I was there.
Here are a few things I learned about each of you while on maternity leave:
J: You have a honeymoon period for just about everything in life. Relationships, jobs, responsibility with a car. You're always waiting for the other shoe to drop and inevitably it always does. It's not a conscious thing, it just happens. We passed my old car down to you. For the most part you've done fine with it. You did get a speeding ticket and a flat tire within the first week of having it. And more recently you used it when you weren't supposed to and it ended up causing you to be kicked out of school. But it's funny the way you get into so much trouble without being trouble. All these silly mistakes pile up and give you a bad rap--but you're not a bad kid. You make time for people when they need you and you're a master of distraction. You've been great at cheering Kaybree up when she feels ignored. You also admitted, once Aspen smiled at you, that she was OK. You still won't let me take a picture of you holding her.
Kaybree: You get anxiety like your dad. I got many calls while I was at home from you in the nurse's office complaining of a stomach ache. You don't get those at home with me. I had to make up a rule that if you haven't vomited, had diarrhea, or had a fever I cannot pick you up from school. You were the most excited for Aspen in the beginning but you've had the toughest adjustment--mostly because you go to school while Eisley gets to stay home. Your emotions are all over the place but when you get one on one attention you are sweeter than ever. You are the best little mommy ever. you even change poopy diapers. First thing in the morning you're asking if you can hold Aspen. You love to read to her. You are the best oldest child a parent could ask for!
Eisley: You are loving taking on new responsibility as a big sister. You weren't too excited at the beginning (excited, just not TOO excited) but you're really getting into it now. You loved staying home with me. I regret that I never did find a good schedule for us so most of your days were spent watching endless TV, with occasional breaks for Barbies and eating. You recently had a 5 year check up and you told the doctor your favorite food is "candy." Major sugar addiction going on here... You are still our little goofball. You are so easy going which has been a huge blessing for me. You're up for going out or staying in, playing with me or playing by yourself, holding Aspen or waiting till later. You just chill. You know I need a helper and you're willing to do it. You also say "I love you!" about 20 times throughout the day. It gets annoying sometimes because you demand that I say it back ASAP--but thank you. I need it.
Aspen: You are a chubby little girl. 99th percentile for height and head circumference, 76th for weight. You're finally smiling on purpose and it is freaking adorable! You have not rolled over yet or gotten the hang of sleeping. You nap for exactly one hour at a time, no longer. You do take 4-5 naps per day but it always makes me laugh that it is exactly an hour. At night you've slept for 6 hours 3 times but otherwise you are up every 2-3 hours. You don't stay up once you're fed, but you do wake up often. We'll work on that. Since we stopped formula completely you've gotten much more comfortable. You spit up a little here and there but nothing major. You don't mind tummy time for the first 5-10 minutes. You're starting to coo more which is great. You love to see the world so your favorite position when you are awake is in someone's lap, facing out. You like to be held and prefer it over the bouncer. You've changed our lives and we all love you so much!
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