A Place to Write

I scheduled my original screening on Friday and had a big mental crash Saturday night. Feels like I can't breathe. I was counting down the hours until I could just get to my appointment. I also couldn't keep the tears from my eyes and finally Brendon noticed. He held me and let me cry and just shrugged and said "We'll figure it out." I know we've always had that relationship. That no matter what comes in our marriage, we will figure it out, but it feels deeper now. Because no matter what happens to me he is for sure stuck with me! Haha Our lives are too deep, too interconnected to ever take a step back. How lovely it is to know he's mine forever and ever. He gave me a blessing and I woke up feeling better. And now my appointment has been pushed back an entire month, to a time when Brendon cannot come with me, and that anxious feeling is creeping in again. But I can breathe through it. Because we can do this. We'll figure it out. 

In May of 2024 I decided to finally do something I’ve been putting off forever. I got some genetic testing done to see if I carry the BRCA1 gene mutation that my half sister, Bethany, does. Bethany had a double mastectomy after finding an unusual lump but we’ve also had an aunt pass away from breast cancer and her daughter had a double mastectomy as a preventative measure.  I learned that I do have the mutation. And then I crashed out and decided I wasn’t ready to deal with that. So I put it off again. A few months later I reached out and asked to be scheduled. No one called me back. This week it came to mind again and I decided I should stop putting it off. So I reached out to the woman who did my testing and asked her again to put in a referral for screening. Then I missed their call.  I called back. "Who do you wan tto schedule with?" "I have no idea. I did some testing, I got results, I don't know what the next steps are." "I'm looking at your recor...